Welcome to Crystal Lake (ENG)

Chapter 18 - Introspection

Stretching out on top of her living room sofa, Jasmine threw herself across said piece of furniture and relaxed like dead weight; releasing a mixed sigh of not only concern - but resignation too. Her parents - or at least her father - knew that she was much more knowledgeable than what she let-on about this whole "Jason Voorhees situation". She knew they wouldn't have take it well if they knew as much as she did, or even accepted her startling amount of secretive insight.

What made matters worse was that Jasmine knew for a fact that her parents would never let themselves be persuaded to move there if they knew. She just had to admit it to herself. She had been selfish. She still was being. Of course, before arriving at Crystal Lake, she didn't know if Jason really was there, if he was nothing more than an imitator, or just a huge hoax to attract tourists. But now...now she knew.

Clearly, her conflicting uncertainty caused her to become hesitant on whether or not he was the authentic Jason Voorhees - the real one - but she was pretty sure he was. Because if he'd been an imitator he probably would've killed her as well that day at the lake. Unless he was an extremely in-character imitator. So in reality, Jasmine did what she did the previous night with absolutely no certainty and nothing but enormous hope. And the very thought of handing an axe to a very ordinary - yet murderous - human being made her just feel worse, even if it wasn't much noticeable from how she behaved.

Jasmine was not someone who expressed often her emotions, even when she was deeply upset or incredibly happy. She learned at a young age that she would be targeted if she always showed the best part of herself: the one who cared about others, always ready to help, the one who defended the bullied schoolmate, the one who didn't think twice about laughing until it hurts for joy or cry desperately for sadness. So Jasmine learned to keep it to herself, that better part of her, and to family and real friends. And she also learned to show the worst part of her first, the one that if you did her wrong she would return the favor with double the strength, the one that if you made her trip you would have to hope she wouldn't get up . Because the worst part of Jasmine, hiding behind her mask of indifference and muffled emotions, that protected and hid the best of her, when that part really came out it was pure anger. 

It first popped up in second grade, after several weeks of bullying for taking the side of the weaker ones or being one of them herself. And it regularly appeared until the end of middle school. At one point she no longer kept track of how many times her parents had been called by the principal because she had been involved in a fight, how many times she had stayed beyond class time in detention, how many times she had to defend herself from vengeful ambushes outside the school, how many visits to the infirmary, how many times she had returned home with a bloody nose, a split lip or a black eye. Somehow, most of the time, she was always the one who came out of the fight the best, and who then stayed behind to help the idiot who had attacked her, because the blood didn't want to stop coming out of his nose, or his wrist hurt so much he couldn't move it. Because the worst part of herselfe did not spare anything or anyone, she fought with teeth and nails if necessary, and responded to threats with actions, but it knew when to let the best part peep out, so as not to totally go over to the side of who was in the wrong.

And so slowly the others learned to leave her alone, out of fear or respect, or to go and ask her for help if the bullies didn't want to stop and leave them alone. Because Jasmine was good and gentle, but she was tall, agile, and even though she didn't look like it, she was strong, and when she was angry she was scary. She defended those who needed it and taught them not to lower their heads and just endure it. She punished those who deserved it and taught them that you reap what you sow.

In high school she had no problems, as anyone who had dealt with her had warned or reassured everyone else. And also because her relationship with her parents, especially her mother, was breaking down more and more due to those outbursts of anger, and Jasmine didn't want that. Anna had begun to think that her daughter might have some kind of problem, something wrong, because she would never have imagined all that violence in her sweet little girl. Anna had never told her, but Jasmine understood it from the way she looked at her and how she behaved with her in that period. 

The girl had tried to change again, but at first it had been difficult. She had asked to be enrolled in a martial arts course, so she could learn to control herself, but also to defend herself properly when necessary. But Anna thought that martial arts were just her daughter's excuse to be able to fight without consequences, so she didn't want to know anything about it and proposed instead to sign up for dance, take singing lessons, or maybe learn to play an instrument. In short, something more feminine, as hse said it. And from this discussion arose another of their quarrels, frequent at the time. It is strange how a single "no" is remembered more than all the other "yes". It was the first time her parents had prevented her from doing something she really cared about. 

So slowly even the worst part went to keep company to the best part, both hidden behind the impassible Jasmine, who didn't get unbalanced. The best part of her was only allowed to come out with her parents and her three best friends. The worst one, on the other hand, was segregated, and grew slowly, as negative emotions always do when they are not manifested for a long time.

Every so often Jasmine sensed it, when something made her angry, but for the sake of quiet living she left it where it was, because she didn't know what would happen if she let it free. 

That's why Jasmine absolutely didn't want Anna to know almost anything about this whole Jason thing. Probably her mother would have been disappointed, she would have scolded her as she hadn't done for a long time now, and Jasmine didn't know if she would have the strength not to argue, not to let out the pain and anger that she carried inside for years for not being truly accepted and appreciated for how she was by the person who had brought her into the world, who never fully understood her actions, despite the fact that she almost always satisfied her in all her requests.

Yet, even though the pain and anger they caused each other were always present, mother and daughter loved each other more than anything else in the world.

A/N

Hello everyone!

Here I am again with a short but intense chapter, written in one go. I wasn't sure if I wanted to release it as a single chapter, or if to release it at all actually, but I wanted to get you to know Jasmine a little better. And then it's Halloween, I had to put out something XD 

This chapter is partly inspired by the song at the top of the page (which you can also find in the playlist at the end of the previous chapter).

Also, thanks a lot to CamsterHale for helping me proofreading this chapter! <3 

Happy Halloween and until next time!