𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ( 𝐌𝐱𝐌 ) [ DARK ROMANCE ]

Chapter 26 | PHASE TWO: Realization

DYLAN ||

One week later

I figured that he would be upset with me, but I never actually thought that he would tell me that he hates me and then force me to leave him alone.

I didn't think emotional rejection would hurt this bad. It really fucking hurts. . .

Raiden was cleared to leave the pack hospital about one week ago and despite everything that he's been through here in my pack, I didn't think that he would actually leave.

Roman told Hunter and Hunter told me where Raiden lives in case I wanted to go see him but not actually having Raiden's permission to go and see him was killing me.

My fucking Dad. . . he ruined everything!

I miss my mate. . . My heart misses him, my soul misses him. The distance between us right now is gut wrenching.

Before he left, I never actually realized just how much I craved his presence, how much his warmth and the bond wanted me to embrace him, but now with him gone, it was like everything was so wrong.

The sheer thought of him rejecting me now that there's been time for the bond to begin to solidly, has increased my panic attacks.

Having so many back to back like this was physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting. I

I hate that he left me. I was finally starting to accept our bond, trying to get past my damn homosexual panic shit and allow myself to feel for him but then he left and now my heart hurts.

My bedroom feels so cold and weird and lonely without him and he hadn't even stepped foot in it.

My heart lurched in my chest as I reminisce about the memories of my time in his hospital room as I watched him interact with Reland and Roman — his cute little mewls inbetween his snores when he was slept, his big boisterous laughs when Reland did something stupid or Roman brought up a childhood memory.

I miss his mouthwatering scent, his smile. . . Fuck I miss that smile and I hate that I do.

I miss the times that he forced the interactions between us for his brother's sake. I miss him being awakened but trying to hold me close and keep the conversations going.

I miss him actually talking to me and not being all fucking angry and shit. . . I miss him smiling at me, I miss the way he would stare into my eyes with this clearly faked loving look, but I liked it all the same.

Clutching my shirt even tighter, I shake my head to rid myself of those damning thoughts.

This is the bond working — I know it is because I hadn't had many interactions with Raiden and the ones that I did have, his brother and bestfriend were in the room and his smile and conversations with me were clearly forced so that Roman wouldn't know the truth behind his brother's fake smile.

And even though it was fake, I enjoyed his smile and those quick conversations. For once in my life, I hadn't felt intimidated or broken or hurt or scared. . . for once in my life as I say in his hospital room, interacting with him, Roman, Hunter and Reland, I felt. . . loved.

As the hours go by, I couldn't seem to pick myself up from the floor as I lean against my bedroom door, clutching my chest as I try to avoid yet another panic attack.

_____

Is it seriously possible to be this much of a fucking wreck over someone you never actually truly had?

One month ago — three weeks ago, I wouldn't have given this heartache a second thought. I would have just pushed it aside and did something to take my mind off of it, but not right now, I just couldn't do it.