And There Were Wolves

ten | cut the headlights, summer's a knife

This had happened before. I knew this feeling. This feeling of thinking that something was the worst thing I had heard and then being proven wrong by something even more awful was familiar to me. I had initially thought that my dad killing my mom was the worst thing that I have ever heard, and now my best friend told me I had been there when it had happened. That I was there witnessing everything and not doing anything.

"Look, it was not your fault, Xy, if that's what you are thinking." His hand reached for mine and he held it. "You were only seven or eight years old. Even if you wanted to help, you could not possibly do it. At least you would not be capable of stopping your dad. Not when he was in his wolf form."

"I was there, and I did nothing," I mumbled to myself. Even though I knew Eros was right, that I would not have been able to help anyway, it did not make me feel any better.

"You can't blame yourself, Xy." He squeezed my hand gently.

"But why can't I remember anything?" I asked, more to myself than to him. I had no recollection of that horrible night. None. All I remembered was that one day I had woken up in a house that looked similar but did not feel the same. Then I walked downstairs to find that it was my dad who had stood in the kitchen making breakfast instead of my mom.

Eros shrugged, not knowing the answer to my question either. "Maybe you were too young, or the event was too traumatizing that your brain simply refused to remember? I am not sure, Xy."

I nodded, shoving the thought to the back of my head. It was not the time and place. I could blame myself for all I wanted when I was in the company of my own. "Why did he kill her?"

"We don't know for sure. My dad and the others have interrogated him, but all he said was that he did not remember a damn thing." Eros hung his head, looking troubled. "Even our Alpha has used his power to force him to tell the truth, but your dad said that he did not know."

We sat there in peaceful quietness until I threw one more question in the bucket. "Tell me why you said to my dad that if I got away, he would have nothing to bargain?"

"Our Alpha believed that your dad was telling the truth and thought that perhaps Atlas has been the one who killed your mother, even though Atlas also denied it. So he banned your dad. Your dad promised he would keep Atlas under control, but he locked Atlas away, saying that he did it in order to protect you. I was sent by my father and the rest to keep an eye on you, make sure that you are still alive, and that your dad stays true to his words. But he nearly lost it to you in the kitchen, didn't he?"

I nodded. There was no point in hiding it. Although I had initially thought that perhaps my dad had not realized that he had hurt me considering how he had gone to normal afterward, yet now hearing Eros telling me this, I wondered if my dad had been acting that day while also reporting back to Eros about what had happened.

Eros sighed. "I have told him that he should not shut Atlas away. He should still communicate with him, shift now and then just to let Atlas roam the forest, stretch his legs for a bit, but he was so afraid that he would lose control. He was afraid that he might accidentally hurt you, but then he hurt you in the kitchen because he did not have control over Atlas."

An image of a copper wolf flashed through my mind. There had been a bit of sadness in those dark eyes when I'd interfered with the fight between him and Ryker. I bit my bottom lip, realizing how odd it was that I felt bad for Atlas, who presumably killed my mom. "So, is it true that Xyrra is not even my name? That my dad's name is Thanos Ashcroft and not Robert Lancaster?"

"Yes." Eros sighed. "Ryker must have told you. What else did he tell you? Did he tell you about our pack, too?" His tone was a bit defensive, but I could tell from his eyes warily watching me that he was afraid that Ryker must have told me something horrible about his pack. For a split second there, I felt scared of being here alone in the forest with him, but then I remembered that this was Eros, my best friend, for as long as I knew. I still recalled the day my dad brought a young boy into the house and introduced him to me. The young boy had come the next week and the week after that, accompanying me at the park nearby or helping me with my homework. At some point that I was not sure when it could be during sophomore year, I had even developed a small crush on him. Then he'd introduced Crystal to me and I had gone back to see him as my big brother.