All The Small Things

108

[Jacob POV]
I woke up an hour earlier than I wanted to because Luca kept shifting in the bed. What woke me up specifically was when he accidentally hit me in the face while he slept. I thought about giving him shit about it after he woke up, but ultimately decided not to. But, for the extra hour I was up, I spent it on my phone.
"Papa!" He suddenly cried as he sat up, getting my attention in an instant.
"What, Bubba?" I asked, setting my phone face-down.
"Hold you," He whined, climbing in my lap.
"Oh, baby. Did you have a nightmare?" I asked, holding his head close to me. Occasionally, I kissed his forehead. He nodded and told me it was about that movie he watched yesterday. I don't blame Karmin that Luca went to see it. I'm sure he double-checked that Luca wanted to see it, and Luca won't tell someone no over something he thought was small.
"I don wanna remember it," He told me, sniffling.
"Aww, you're too little to see something scary. Yeah?" I commented, getting him to nod.
"Aww, I guess you just gotta watch baby movies from now on then." I said, holding him in my lap. I didn't seriously mean strictly PG, but he definitely won't watch any more psychological horror.

I let him lay with me until it was about 10 because I had work that day. And, today's one of the Fridays get paid. I'll probably have to cash it tomorrow morning, though, considering when I get off.
"Bubs, I gotta get ready," I told him, reluctantly pulling the covers off me. He whined but didn't complain, and let me get my uniform on.
"Do you wanna hang out with Spade tonight?" I asked in the middle of buttoning my pants.
"Ya.. wanna play," He mumbled, yawning afterward.
"Well, he wants to come over after I get off. Do you wanna do it then?" I continued. He made a sound of agreement and slid out of bed, gently hugging me. The only time he pulled away was after I pulled off the hoodie I had slept in and put it on instead.

[Luca POV]
I can tell today isn't gonna be a good day. Or, at least, not a good morning. I mostly spent it on my phone, but I couldn't help thinking of Kayden. That's why I stole Jacob's hoodie. Because I didn't wanna remember Kayden. As I lay on the couch, listening to music, I got a notification. It was from my Snapchat, which I really don't touch anymore, of a 'throwback' picture. It was me the day I got pulled over by Kayden. I couldn't help but stare at it. After a while, it didn't look like me anymore. It was landscape and mostly my outfit, but like half my face. I could see my hair since it was pulled over my shoulders. I wanna bleach my hair all of a sudden. Maybe cause it's a drastic change from the faded green-brown color in the picture. I dont think I'd wanna ask Jacob about it, though. I'm not even working right now, and I really feel the need to, but I know I wouldn't do good with people.

I laid around the house, suddenly realizing I was hungry. I looked in the cabinets and the fridge, eventually finding Ravioli. I opened the can, poured it in a bowl, and let it cook in the microwave for like 2 minutes. It's embarrassing to admit that I struggled with myself to eat it. I sat at the table, telling myself it's just food. I know rationally I need it, but I can't force myself right now. I know 3-15 year old me would've eaten this in a heartbeat, but... Somethings different. I don't get it. When I don't have access to food, I'd eat almost anything. But then the second I do, I can't make myself eat. I can't stand myself sometimes... I know my mom has always stayed away from eating, at least since I was born. So why can't I pick a side? After forcing myself to choke down 4 bites, I felt sick to my stomach. At first, I thought I could ignore it. I tried to stomach it, but dry heaved before getting up and racing to the bathroom. I sat on the tile floor, gagging and puking well more than what was in my stomach.

When it finally subsided, I shakily stood up, wiping my mouth and flushing. I felt gross, in simple terms. Disgusted at myself for not being able to keep it down. Upset I even ate in the first place. All sorts of contradicting thoughts. Some I had to shake my head to try and get rid of. I ended up on the edtwt side of Twitter. Worst fucking choice. It was all sorts of 'thinspo' and calorie plans. None of them ever exceeded 300 calories, and most of them were well under.

I was pretty much on it until the front door was unlocked and opened at 6 pm that night. It was just Jacob with Spade.
"Literally, that cat sticks around every single day, and it makes me feel bad," Jacob said, laughing a little as he let Spade inside. I don't feel big anymore.
"Hi Lukey," Spade greeted me as I set my phone on the coffee table, and Dady shut the door.
"Kitty?" I asked, my attention suddenly redirected.
"Yeah, the kitty was hanging around the door," Spade said as I heard a little meow. It made me a little sad cause Dady said we can't keep her. They both sat on the couch, Dady starting to talk bout people at work. Both co-workers and customers.

"Papa, please. Sippy?" I asked, looking up at him once there was a pause in their conversation.
"Go get me your sippy," He sighed, standing up and following me to the kitchen. Spade following behind.
'' 'ank you, Dady," I slurred, forgetting the first half of 'thank'.
"I guess you're welcome," He playfully said, grabbing orange juice from the fridge and then pouring it in. Over the next 20 minutes, they stood around and talked about anything. Mostly stuff I didn't know of. So, obviously, I reached up for Dady to hold me.
"Your hair's really fading," Spade eventually commented. I nodded absently while I chewed on my sippy, rather than drinking from it.
"What color do you wanna do it next?" He asked.
"I think red would be really cute," Dady chimed in when I shrugged. I actually kinda like the idea of red now that he mentions it. Plus, it wouldn't kill my hair like bleaching would.

"Would you wanna do red?" He asked, setting me down on the countertop.
"Ya!" I answered, giggling and swinging my leggies.
"I'll try to get around to it after I cash my check," Dady said, laughing a little.
"Hell, I'll pay for it. Didn't we miss his birthday? It could be my late birthday present," Spade offered, scratching his arm.
"It's okay, I can cash it tomorrow. I doubt you'd wanna dye it with us anyways," Dady politely said.
"Seriously, I can run out with him and get it. I'll help y'all dye it, too. I don't have any plans tomorrow," He insisted.
"Alright, go get your shoes on," Dady said, making me giggle and run to find my sneakers. I pulled them on without tying them and raced out with Spade to his car.

We pulled into Walmart, and I kicked my legs in excitement. I got out and tried my best to walk instead of run to the aisle Spade was looking for. We found it and were looking at Splat because it was easiest to use and lasted for a hot minute.
"Pick a red one, Bubba," Spade instructed, giving me a minute to choose. I ended up on one called 'crimson obsession' because it was red, a semi-perminant, and wasn't super bright. I prefer the dark ones cause. They show up really good without bleaching. I quickly followed after Spade, hanging onto his waist as he scanned and paid for the dye.
"Thank youuu!" I exclaimed as he walked back to the car, swinging my legs the whole way home.