All The Small Things

166

TW for S/A+rape+childhood S/A
Also, longer chapter. Lock in.

[Luca POV]

I was 7 and a half. Momma and Dad were separated but not divorced. They were trying to take a break for Lila's sake, especially because she was really, really little. Not for mine. They'd never think to do that for me. So Lila was at our uncles for the weekend, Dad was on his visit with me, and Momma said she was running down to the store. I figured she'd be gone for a while. So, I tried to keep myself from having a meltdown. But it almost felt like he was trying to trigger me on purpose. He changed the channel, he had shoes on inside, he was eating in the living room, and he was always touching me. Not nessicarily in an inappropriate way, yet. But I just didn't want him near me. The smell of his sweat made me feel sick to my stomach, and he always stunk. His hands were dirty, and he was touching my bare skin. He always grabbed me rough, to the point that on multiple occasions, he'd leave faint bruising on my arms. He just did everything against the rules.

I managed to restrain myself because I knew how he punished me. I tried to remind myself over and over again what would happen if I got too upset. I tried to keep myself leveled with my action figure. I wasn't allowed stuffies, so this was my comfort item. Mostly because it was a gift from one of my only friends ever in elementary school.
"What's that?" He asked me after a couple hours of him being there, making a face.
"Spider-man..." I mumbled, subconsciously holding him closer to my chest.
"You don't need that," He told me, reaching his hand out so I'd hand it to him. I couldn't force myself to hand it over. Even when I begged myself internally to just give it over because of what would happen. To just ignore my needs for a while. But I couldn't. Dady got pissed fast. Two seconds after I didn't hand it off, he reached for it. I automatically stepped away and tried to keep it close to me.

"No!" I shouted, instantly realizing what I'd just condemned myself to. "Dady, please don't take him," I tried to say softer, maybe to lessen his anger for my original shouting. It was useless. He snatched me by my arm and started pulling me after him. I almost immediately started crying and went limp in hopes he'd stop pulling me. It only half worked. He just picked me up, continuing to break one of my personal rules, and carried me upstairs. I wanted to kick and scream, but Momma wasn't even home. That didn't stop me from calling for her, but it did prevent me from shrieking. He didn't even take me to my room where I could at least focus on the places I drew on the wall. We were in Momma's room. I wasn't allowed in here. She told me.
"No, I'm not suppose' to!" I cried. He didn't fucking care.
"Quit telling me no!" He demanded, shoving me down on the bed. I was still crying and could feel it when he took off my clothes, and when he started to put it in.
"Oww!" I cried, closing my eyes and trying to squirm away. I refused to look unless he forced me to. Then I heard the front door open. Momma's home. If she knows this is happening, she'll make him quit. I didn't consider the consequences before crying for her.

"Momma!" I yelled through my tears, trying to push him away.
"Shut the fuck up!" He violently reprimanded me. I didn't hear her voice, I just heard her moving things. So I tried louder. I had one more chance to make sure she heard me. Because after the second time that I yelled, he was gonna hit me. I braced myself.
"Momma!" I screamed louder, 100% positive that she heard me, before I felt myself getting hit across the face. I still didn't hear her voice or her footsteps getting closer. I felt all my hope shatter into a million pieces. Maybe she just didn't hear me...? I knew I was loud enough to be heard downstairs, but I still tried to convince myself she wouldn't let that happen. I felt neasues. From everything. From her ignoring this to the physical pain. I cluthed my action figure closer before Dady had a chance to take it when I was spaced out.
"Fuck, just hold on..." He groaned when I started trying to squirm away again. I felt him eventuay take it out and finally let go of me. I shoved myself off the bed and ran downstairs, almost falling down the last few, and saw her standing in front of the TV while smoking something.