All The Small Things

186

[Luca POV]

The rest of the week, I was remembering things every time I went to bed. In this memory, I was 8. My momma was gone, and this one time, my daddy was gonna take me to school. So, I got dressed, teeth brushed, shoes and socks put on, backpack put together, before getting in his car with him. He had an objectively cool Dodge Challenger that I would've loved if it wasn't his car. It was black and had a white decal up the hood. I was excited to go to school. So, when he drove past instead of turning into the parking lot, I got upset.
"Dady, school," I anxiously said. By now, I was still delayed speech wise. I could make sentences fine, but I never wanted to talk at all. I only did at school. So when I was with my daddy, I didn't always speak in complete sentences. Sometimes, but not always.

"I'll take you later. We're doing something first," He said, dismissively. I tried to push down all my fear of him doing something bad to me. Maybe he just wanted to do something fun? I also tried to ignore the fact that I had school and a ride there, so in my mind, I had to be in class. But, I couldn't suppress that feeling as well as I could with my worries.
"No, I have school," I tried to say, making him tell me to stop talking before he crashed on purpose. I whined and sat back, rubbing my eyes to wipe my tears away. I was also in the front seat, which I knew I wasn't supposed to be in, so I just softly cried instead of saying anything.

He eventually pulled into a gas station parking lot and got gas before taking me inside with him.
"You want a snack?" He asked me, making me nod a little. Daddy could be nice. He was just angry most of the time. So, I knew he was capable of being good, and I had managed to grasp that if he's doing something nice, don't question it. Go along because if you don't and you ask why he's suddenly being nice, he gets mad again. It really confused me until a little bit ago.
"You can get whatever you want," He said, checking the time on his phone. I knew I was starving for real food, but I wanted a brownie so fucking bad.

So, that's what I got. I downed it in like two minutes. I also got a bottle of water, but that wasn't what I was excited about. I felt my anxiety nagging at me while I tried to just be happy that Daddy was happy for now. But, I could feel it in my stomach. He also bought a scratch off. I hated the sound of the card being scratched, but I closed my eyes and covered my ears for that part. The next place he stopped at was a park. I liked going, even though we didn't go a lot. But, I didn't know how to feel, considering I was supposed to be at school.
"C'mon," He said when I got out after him. He grabbed my hand and walked me back to the bike, and people trail behind the park instead of the equipment. I hesitantly followed, occasionally tripping over branches. He picked me up to carry me instead of letting me walk, which made me feel icky, considering he was touching me. But I told myself to stay quiet about it.

There was a little shelter house off the side of one of the trails. Nobody was here except us because it was so early and a random ass weekday at an almost entiley forgotten about park. I felt the anxiety in my stomach get worse as he carried me to it. There were a few picnic tables with benches, a trashcan, and a lot of dirty saying written and carved into the tables. He set me on the table instead of on the bench attached to it, and I started crying. I didn't wanna be here. I didn't wanna learn what he was gonna do here. I wanted to be in class with my teacher. I liked her. I liked the book we were reading. I was hungry for actual food. I was also just supposed to be there.

That was the first time he filmed it. He'd taken pictures before, but not videos. That was also the first time he made me do something to him before putting it in. I threw up twice during it, and once in the parking lot beside his car. I don't like that he was also nice during it. He wasn't mean about it this time, and I was so confused. He took me to school and hugged me before he walked me inside. He hugged me. He's never done that before.