An organised mess

The list of regrets

Darling,

from me to you, 

another piece of my heart. 

Naive, mistaken 

you were fooled, 

I was already at the end before I got the chance to start. 

Guilt ridden,

scars hidden, 

I told people I was okay, 

as I collect more straw for the nest on my nose, 

again, I was fibbing. 

Darling, 

you are wearing me down, 

wearing my white sequenced dress below the knee, 

because the damage was done, 

I didn't want them to see. 

Blood stained, 

weight gained, 

nothing left, 

yet nothing changed. 

Naive darling, 

you think I hit it for fun, 

I hit it to forget, 

I hit my market of men, 

I do not savour the taste of each, 

I seasoned and spiced, 

the packed closet in my brain, 

until the unwanted was abandoned, 

left untouched, at the back of the closet. 

I hit my bad habits,

bad habits replayed, and replayed,

if I do not, 

I will go insane. 

You think I do it for fun, 

I do it to forget, 

and the second that I do,

whatever, reckless  manoeuvre I choose,  

it's going on my list of regrets.