An organised mess

Cat scan

It was all going fast 

The lab-coated strangers told me to tell them all 

Unfamiliar faces rushing past 

I couldn't trust a stranger, I told them it was from a fall 

Sad eyes upon me 

The curse of empathy spreading like a contagious flu 

The first time in a long time I didn't feel free

Supportive hands suffocating me but all I want is you 

Flashing lights and sea-sickness with no boat 

Stripped down to nakedness with my mad woman gown 

Fresh blood, ringing ears and a tear-stained face 

I didn't want the scientists to stare and gloat 

I slipped into safety and I watched myself from above, I could float 

I knew I shouldn't have got on that plane, I didn't even want to leave town 

They laid me back flat 

White-coated, metallic removed, and they put me in to check for bruising on my brain 

It would have matched my black-and blue bruised damaged face 

I do not know much, 

But one thing I do know is that a Cat-Scan will not detect my pain 

The pain which has been stalking me and haunting me since birth 

Ever-so sneakily, lurking, leaving a trace but I can't keep up 

My shadow of pain is well beyond my pace 

They fixed my face, and helped me to full recovery

They made sure I felt pretty 

My outside scars fading but my insides dark and ugly 

But I smile and thank them for their work 

Because I am tired of people's pity.

The lab-coated strangers, they will always know best 

And if a cat-scan of my head puts their worries to rest 

Who am I to argue?

In my knee-ripped jeans, and un-straightened hair 

If I can keep just one or two happy and from despair 

Then I'll fake a smile, 

besides when it is pain they cannot see, 

they never really care.