|Eight|

•Week Six• (2)

(Okay, welp, I honestly don't know what's happening. I don't think I ever knew what was going on. Ignore my writing please, I'm too embarrassed by it)

We mad it half an hour into the movie when I painfully remembered what I was doing before I woke everyone up.

I abruptly got up, telling Jack and Ryan I needed to us the bathroom. They nodded and Ryan asked me if I wanted them to pause the movie. I said no, hoping the movie would distract them from what I was doing.

I quietly closed Ryan's door behind me, walking over to the bathroom. Inside was the coat and the butcher knife, exactly where I had left it.
The blood from the coat had already completely dried, and so now there was no easy way to get it out without someone seeing me.

I sighed, I guess I had to throw it away now. I gathered the wad of clothing and tucked it under my arm, trying to decide where to get rid of it. Was I just going to throw it in a river or something? Or should I hide it?

I didn't know what the best option was since I was pretty new to this whole thing, but I guess hiding it would only be a good option if I actually knew how to hide things well.

Throwing it in a river or a pond was the best option, and maybe covering it in mud would help conceal it.

I quickly decided that was the best thing to do, and quietly left the apartment building once again after putting the butcher knife back in the kitchen.

I didn't know which pond I would dispose of it in, but I figured I'd find one in a park or something.

As soon as I exited the building, I found a mud puddle and without giving it another thought, I threw the coat into the puddle and used a nearby stick to turn it, making sure the whole thing was covered.

I picked it up using the tips of my fingers, disgusted and trying to convince myself to stick with the plan.

A few people gave me some weird looks, but honestly, this probably wasn't the weirdest thing they've seen. Besides, I'm only carrying a muddied coat, not a bloodied coat.
At least, that's what everyone else saw.

After a few minutes of wandering, I finally managed to find a pond a little out of the way. Which was pretty difficult.

Giving the coat one last look, I bent down and carefully put it into the water, watching it slowly drift to the bottom of the murky liquid.

It was all over now, but still, I couldn't help but miss the feeling of ripping open that man in the alleyway.

~

I finished disposing of the coat a lot faster than I thought I would, and when I made it home Jack and Ryan were still watching the movie. That's good, I really didn't want either of them to know I've been leaving the apartment. The other good thing was that Jasper hadn't done anything while I was away. Maybe he was just waiting for the perfect moment, maybe his strategy was more along the lines of driving me insane. Whatever his sick plan was, I'll make sure he suffers for it.

I shook off my nerves, going back to the kitchen to pop a bag of popcorn. Hopefully food will distract me from my worries, and hopefully food will distract Jack and Ryan from asking questions about why I took so long to "use the bathroom".

I quickly washed the dried mud off of my hands, and then grabbed a bag of popcorn from one of the cupboards.

A whirl sound came on as I finished pressing the microwave buttons, and almost immediately, I was left to dwell in my thoughts again.

My hands twitched as I eyed the butcher knife I had left on the counter, my mind wandering.
When will I let myself go? When will I sneak out to murder again? How long will I last? How long?
The knife was a curse, a beautiful curse, but a deadly one. I had to keep the knife close to me until Jasper is gone for good, then I can let go of it and live a normal life.

Can you let go of it?

I shuddered, blocking out that question. Of course I can let go of it, there's nothing physically stopping me from ending all of my murderous tendencies. But, on the other hand, I was mentally unable to let go of the butcher knife. I felt like it was a part of me now, how could I ever throw it away? I had taken someone's life with it, I had allowed myself to lose myself in blood with it, how would I ever be able to let it go after everything I've done with it?

The knife is who I am now.

It was mine.

I jumped in surprise when the microwave beeped, letting me know the popcorn was ready. I grabbed it out, quickly walking to Ryan's room. I didn't bother to knock and as soon as I entered, I was met with the movie's soundtrack blasting at almost full volume.

"Oh, thanks. I'm starving," Jack said, snatching the popcorn bag out of my hand.

I rolled my eyes. "You're welcome, don't eat it all by yourself again."

"That was one time and you know I was stress eating because of the concert we had!"

I ignored him as he started to list all the reasons why he deserved to eat the popcorn all on his own.
I sat down next to Ryan on his bed, trying to discreetly make sure he was okay. I hoped he wouldn't find the stuff under the sink, because well, I doubt he could handle something that traumatic.

Images of the bloodied gloves and the stained axe handle flashed through my mind, and just thinking of an axe made me fall into a pit of fear.
What was so scary about axes? Why do people usually fear axes more than they fear knives?
Maybe it was the fact that axes are a heavier weapon, almost guaranteed to chop off a limb or even a head; if swung correctly.
Or maybe it was the fact that axe murderers prefer to go for the head when killing their victims.
I imagine having an axe split your skull in half would be a lot scarier than having a knife stuck in your kidney.

This was exactly why I could never tell Ryan the truth about things. He was always the gentle one in the family, the one that would cry whenever Jack and I got hurt as kids. All of this was already too much for him, and I couldn't bring him down farther. I just needed to silently check up on him and make sure Jasper hadn't done anything to him, whilst also making sure he didn't find what was under the sink.

"Adam, where have you been?" Ryan asked, his eyes filled with enthusiasm (probably because of the movie) and he scooted closer to me, wrapping the blanket around all of us. We bundled under his blanket, all sharing the popcorn.

My heart began to sink as I desperately tried to think of an excuse. I was too busy praying that they wouldn't ask me anything that now I was completely screwed.
My mind quickly raced with every excuse I could make, but none of them sounded good enough.

"He was using the bathroom and then he made us popcorn, you know how slow Adam is with things," Jack intervened, saving me from the very tight spot I was in.

Ryan looked confused because he knew using the bathroom and making popcorn didn't take that long, but since Jack and I confirmed that's what happened, he didn't argue. His attention snapped back to the movie, but mine wandered to Jack.

He obviously knew that it shouldn't have actually taken me that long to use the bathroom and make popcorn, and his expression told me he knew that I'm not actually that slow with doing things.

Our eyes met, and he gave me a look that told me he was trying to say something to me. I didn't know what.
Why would he do that? Why would he make up an excuse if he didn't even know I needed one in the first place? Unless.....

He frowned a little, a look that was indifferent. Then, his eyes turned back to the movie.

Oh God he knows.

(Adam a little confused but he got the spirit. Ignore spelling/grammer mistakes bc I'm too lazy to spell check thoroughly and if any of you bring it up I will cry)