|Eight|

•Week Seven• (2)

(LMAOL WHY IS THIS SO ANGSTY, I LITERALLY WANT TO DIE)

I was confused, my mind and heart were confused. I wanted to hurt Jasper so badly, my mind screamed at me to murder him, to mutilate him until he's unrecognizable. But my heart argued that it was hurting Jack, but how could it be hurting him? I was helping him feel better, I was helping take away all the pain.

My heart still throbbed with pain, sore from hearing Jack cry so hard. Why couldn't he accept my help? Why couldn't he just let me do this? I know he's scared of me because I'm a murderer and all that, but I'm really just the good guy. I'm the good guy, I'm saving him.

Jack was holding tightly to me, digging his nails into my back as he shuddered with more and more sobs.

He wasn't letting go any time soon, but he had to. He had to let go so I could murder Jasper in front of him.

I forced myself to go back to the state of mind I despised, the part I hated. I had to be in that mentality so I could get this done. It would hurt Jack, it would hurt him so much, but what's a little bit of pain if the wound is finally going to heal?

Jack seemed to realize that I was slipping away from him, slipping into my crazed thoughts, giving into all my temptations.
I'm weak, what can I say?
He cried harder into my shoulder, begging me not to go and do this.

"I c-can't go back there, don't make me go back there. Please." His voice was hoarse and high-pitched, and he squeezed me so tightly that I could barely breathe. He felt like he was losing me, and maybe he was. Maybe I was going to be completely gone after this, if I get away with another murder, I might never stop. Jack would really be alone after that, and the worst part of all of this was, I was still going to murder Jasper even though I realize that I can never come back. So what if I abandon Jack after all of this? He'd be happy to be rid of me, he will be happy.

Right now he isn't happy about it, he thinks I'm not in control of what I'm doing. But I am, I'm choosing to sacrifice our relationship just so I can get revenge. I'm willing to sacrifice never seeing Jack again, just so I can use the knife.

You're trading your brother away just for some pathetic murder. He'll never want to see you after this.

I know that, I know. It makes my heart feel numb and tiny, like a little paper that's ripping apart.

You're abandoning Jack right after Ryan's death.... You really are heartless.

I felt Jack's grip on me loosen, and a cold feeling replaced him as he took a step away from me.

Maybe I am heartless. I'm going to do all of this even though I know it hurts Jack, even though I know it'll absolutely destroy him. I don't want to do this, I want to do this, I don't want to do this, I want to do this, I don't want to do this, I have to do this,

I don't have to do-

Jack sniffled, letting go of me completely, his eyes bloodshot and filled with betrayal. "You really are going to do this, aren't you?" He tried to stop the angry tears, but they just kept coming.

Why couldn't he understand? Sure, I was murdering someone but it's for him. I'm willing to let him leave if he doesn't want to stay with a murderer like me, but he has to watch. He has to see Jasper's lifeless body so he can at least feel a sense of justice for Ryan.

He knew exactly what I was thinking, and I knew he hated it.

"You might as well just kill me!" He practically screamed, causing me to wince. "You don't want me anymore! you care more about murdering someone! You care more about hurting me, you care more about that stupid knife than you ever cared about me!"

I reached out to him, but he smacked my hand away, still burning with rage and a deep, deep sadness.

"You might as well just use that knife on me because you're not my brother anymore! I'm just another useless, pathetic victim."

Okay, that hurt. A lot.
It wasn't like that, I was trying to help him. It wasn't my fault that it would be painful watching me murder someone, it wasn't my fault that his morality would make him leave me. Honestly, I was doing him a favor by already deciding to leave. He doesn't have to scream at me to leave him alone at all. I'm just going to get revenge for him and then he never has to see me again.

I couldn't say anything, my throat closed up as a sick feeling bubbled in my stomach. He was crying so much, but he refused to let me touch him, he refused to let me comfort him now.

Tears pricked my eyes as he continued to yell at me, telling me how I had tricked him into thinking that I actually cared and loved him, telling me how it hurt because his whole life he had actually believed those lies. Screaming at me to just murder him if he really means that little to me.

This is what's good for him, this will make him happy, this is what needs to be done. This will make him happy.
I care so much about him that I'm murdering someone for him, I'm using this cursed knife for him, I'm giving away what little sanity I have left to that fucking demon in my head for him. It was all for Jack and Ryan.

What makes him think I could ever kill him? What makes him think I could ever use my knife to harm him?

Maybe the fact that I've already used it on so many people....
And now that I'm doing it for a third time, I won't be able to stop. Maybe then I will actually hurt Jack with the knife...... Maybe I'll-

I'll murder him, too.

I squeezed my eyes shut to try and stop all the tears. Everything hurt so damn much, everything was falling apart. But I had to continue, I was still angry about Ryan's death.

But Jack-

I forced myself to keep standing, trying to block out Jack's cries. Everything was spinning, all my thoughts were spinning, my heart was spinning in a vicious cycle of pain.
It was all too much, and I had to just do this so I didn't have to endure it anymore.

Before Jack could react, I quickly picked up the knife and gave him a quick blow to the head with it, knocking him unconscious. It probably didn't cause any injuries that were too bad since I just used the handle of the knife, but still it made my insides flinch doing that to him.

I put my knife in my pocket and carefully picked Jack up, wiping away some of his tears. I hugged him close to me as I carried him to the hospital, hoping that maybe he would understand that I just wanted him to be okay, and that this was the only way I knew how.

(this is hilarious tho

And ignore spelling mistakes)