|Eight|

•Week Seven•

(Anyway, what do y'all thinks gonna happen for the finale? LMFAO
Tw: Adam)

Jack cried and fought against me, shaking with fear and exhaustion. He was trying so hard to get away from me, acting like I was going to hurt him. Maybe I was, I couldn't trust myself anymore. I was irritated and angry, and Jack was only increasing my negative emotions by being a baby.
He was crying and thrashing, begging me to let him go. He couldn't go back to the hospital, he begged me not to make him go back there, but I had to.

I was taking him to see Jasper get murdered, wasn't that the best gift he could ever receive? I was going to rip Jasper apart for him, I was going to get revenge. Wasn't that enough for him? Everything I've done has been for them, I've murdered three people just for Ryan and Jack. And now? Now Ryan is gone, and Jack wants to leave me, too.

It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair.
I can't ever let him leave me, I have to permanently make him stay.

I've worked so hard, but gained so little.

Jack was sobbing uncontrollably, incoherent pleas falling from his mouth as he trembled, trying to get away from me.
I didn't understand what he was saying, but I knew I didn't like it. He was probably telling me to let him go, to stop what I'm doing, to change into who I used to be.
Why couldn't he understand that I can't go back? And I can never let him go, I'll hack off his legs before he can run from me, before he can escape. I'll sew his mouth shut before he can scream for someone else to help him, because no one else can help him. I'll mutilate his body if it means that he'll stay with me in the end.

It's just because I love him, I want him to be happy. I used to think that I was preventing him from being content, but now I see that I'm the only one who can give him what he wants, give him what he needs, give him happiness. I can take away all his pain by murdering Jasper, and as soon as he realizes that, he'll never want to leave.

And he never will.

My mind raced with everything I was willing to do to make sure he's not able to leave me, everything I was going to inflict on people in order to keep him with me. I was willing to murder Jack if that meant that he'd stay with me forever, I'd do anything. Ryan's death opened my eyes to the possibilities, the endless, swirling possibilities. They screamed at me, blurring everything else I was feeling. Everything else I was supposed to be feeling.

"Y-you're hurting me," Jack said in-between sobs, using his other hand to try and pry my hand off of his bruised wrist. I was holding so tightly to him that I had cut of his circulation, but I didn't care. I didn't care if I was hurting him physically, I was saving him in the long run. I was saving him from having to deal with Jasper, I was saving him from all the pain others had caused.

"Stop, please."

I ignored him, continuing to drag him through the park. Every step we took in the direction of the hospital, Jack would panic more, resisting me until he became so exhausted he almost passed out. I caught him a few times, checking to make sure he was mostly okay.

"I-I'm scared-"

"You won't be anymore, I promise," I whispered gently to him, trying to change my tone so he would stop struggling against me.

That only made him cry harder, causing me to stop in my tracks. I turned to look at him, letting go of his wrist and I instead used my hand to caress his tear-stained cheek, trying to soothe him. He flinched, but didn't move away entirely.

"I don't want you to h-hurt me. Please don't hurt me," he quietly said, choking on his tears. He wasn't struggling as much anymore, he wasn't fighting. He was grieving, he was mourning over Ryan and I was hurting him. I was hurting him.

I gently used my thumb to wipe away one of his tears, smiling sympathetically. "I'm not going to hurt you. I love you."

He seemed to relax when I said that, most of his fear dispersing. He gave into my affection and almost immediately stopped shaking, finally allowing himself to mourn. Jack was comfortable with me, he was just confused about what I was doing, confused and scared. I knew I had lashed out at him, I had caused him pain, but did that really matter now? I'm all he has, I can hurt and abuse him and he'll still love me. Not that I would ever abuse him on purpose, I could never bring myself to harm him. I can murder innocent people, but heaven forbid I intentionally hurt him. I hope he knows that, I hope he knows I care about him and that's the only reason I'm doing all of this.

Jack continued breathed shakily, squeezing his eyes shut and letting me comfort him.
I softly cupped his cheek and the side of his face, letting him know I was here for him, I wasn't going to hurt him anymore.

When we were kids Jack would have panic attacks sometimes, and the way I would calm down was gently holding his face. He once told me it helped because it let him know that he wasn't alone.

I could tell that it still worked on him, and after a few minutes of me holding him, he had stopped crying.

We were at the edge of the park, standing in the short-cut grass. I had almost managed to drag him all the way to the hospital, but we didn't quite make it to the street. I didn't care, Jasper could wait.

The part of me I despised was finally letting go of my mind at the moment, the murderous grip it kept on me immediately faded away when I realized that it was harming Jack.

I dropped the knife that I was holding in my other hand, finally wrapped both of my arms around him. Jack instantly relaxed in my arms, shivering because he finally felt safe.

"I-I thought I lost you." his words became muffled as he laid his head down on my shoulder, hugging me back.

My heart winced when he said that, and I brought him closer to me. "No, no," I muttered to him, reassuring him that I was back. I wasn't angry or violent anymore, and it made me sick knowing that I could become those things. "You'll never lose me, I'll make sure you don't."