|Eight|

•Week Six• (4)

(Oh, brotherly love <3

Oh brotherly angst :'<

Also sorry there's a lot of writing mistakes and this chapter sucks lmao but hopefully next chapter will be better)

A few days had passed, at least I think it had been a few days. I wasn't really sure, everything just started to blur together and time was the last thing on my mind.

I was on edge, always expecting Jasper to show up, and now I was just waiting to find more remains of his last murder.
That was one of my biggest fears, but my absolute biggest fear was the fact that I felt like Jack and Ryan were catching on to me.

I couldn't hide everything from them, I knew that, but I had to try and hide this one thing.

I repented, I got rid of the knife and my awful thoughts had left for the most part. Whenever the image of murdering something passed my mind, I'd immediately get rid of it. I was going to get my life back together, I was going to get myself back.

It was difficult blocking everything I've done from my mind, but I needed to forget about it and move on.
I needed to get the memories away so I can't feel all the pain anymore.

I had been practicing self-control around knives and sharp objects lately, and it was actually going well.
I felt so happy I cried when I didn't flinch when I saw the butcher knife, I was recovering and it felt good.

I was recovering with the help of Jack and Ryan, although they didn't realize it. They thought everything had gone back to normal, which was true, and now we were starting to be happy.

I was still scared about Jasper, but I hadn't found any thing out of the ordinary lately. I was sure he was taking a break, and when I have to face him, I'll find another way that's not murder.

I blinked a few times, bringing myself back to reality. I had been in deep thought for several minutes and my brain was starting to hurt.

It was confusing because I was so happy that things were finally starting to turn around, but I felt terrified.

I didn't want to admit it, but I knew I felt terrified because I forgot how to live without the knife.

I winced, I needed to think about something else. I wasn't a murderer anymore. I thought I was, I had even given into the title, but Jack and Ryan had knocked sense into my head.
I would always thank them for that.

Really, in more ways than one, they had saved me.

"Adam, do you know what happened to my toothbrush?" Ryan asked, walking into the room with a tube of toothpaste.

I turned to look at him, taking my eyes off the TV I had been mindlessly staring at.
"What?" I asked, trying to process reality.

Ryan shook his head, looking  frustrated and disheveled. What was wrong with him?

"I looked everywhere in the bathroom but it's gone, I was just wondering if you knew what happened to it."

"Oh." I thought for a moment, but nothing was coming to mind. "Maybe you misplaced it?"

"No, why would I ever take it out of the bathroom?" He said, running a hand through his hair. His expression kept changing, it went from confused to angry, to scared, to panicked.

What the hell was wrong? Something told me this was about more than a missing toothbrush.

"Ry, I don't know. Have you asked Jack?" I was trying my best to help, but the more I looked at Ryan and his changing emotions, the more I felt like I couldn't help.
"What's going on?" I asked, getting up off the couch and walking over to him.