by the sidelines • haechan

thirty

"Where are you going so late?" Aunt Youngshin yelled as she followed me right to the main door. I ignored her and tied my shoelaces hastily, trying my best to not explode at her.

"To run. I'll be back at midnight." I hopped to my feet and scrambled out the door, hearing her last words before I slammed it shut.

"But that's two hours from now! Where are you-"

I strayed as far away from my house until I couldn't hear her anymore, before heaving out a loud sigh. Sorry, Aunt Youngshin, any longer and I would've taken it out on you.

Stretching just my quads, I started sprinting down the street at full speed, letting the wind engulf my whole body as my legs took the lead.

Youn's words from before still haven't found their way out of my head and it was driving me up the wall, so I figured the only way to get rid of them and all the other thoughts in my head was to drain it all out. By running.

I took a different route this time, one that was longer but still ended at the same place. I didn't know how long it'll take for me to find peace, and the trip up to the beach would only take about 10 minutes even if I walked. That was definitely not enough time.

The other route was darker as it went deeper into the suburbs, but it still included the view of the sea that distracted me for the time being. Well, only until I turned a corner and all I saw were closed shops and flickering street lamps.

Usually, these areas would make me paranoid, but that was probably the last thing on my mind at the moment. In fact, there was nothing on my mind, and I liked it that way.

The chirping of the crickets by the bushes, the sound of my shoes impacting the ground, the voice of the breeze that whispered into my ear as I glided past emptied my mind instantly. Feeling the cool air blow-dry the sweat on my skin was refreshing and I soon immersed myself into the silence of the night, letting my mind get lost in the rhythm of my footsteps.

It had been long since I felt this relaxed, so much it almost felt weird. All the happenings that took place so far felt so distant, like it had been locked up and thrown into the bottomless pit. Like I hadn't been here in the first place.

Maybe that's it. Maybe coming here was a choice I shouldn't have made. Hyojin was right; if I stayed in Seoul and continued training like I used to, I wouldn't be stuck here in this hell hole being tortured in all directions because of my difference. If I had just opened my eyes to see my weaknesses, I wouldn't have made this dumb choice.

A familiar place came into view as I slowed down, the alluring scenery bringing me back to reality. Just a few more weeks. A few more weeks and I'm out.

I strolled mindlessly towards the beach. Finally, the whole place to myself. Somewhere that I could stop thinking about anything and indulge in this peaceful haven without any disturbances. Except for the person at the corner of my eye.

Wait, what?

I whipped my head around to the person approaching in another direction, meeting their eyes as I widened mine in horror. Great, just great.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, you're all pale," Donghyuck teased. He peered closer at the face hiding under my hoodie, his expression falling immediately. "Were you crying?"

I snapped back to reality and looked away, not bothering to wipe the tear stains off my face. "No. I want to be alone right now." I marched towards the sea, but the footsteps trampling down behind me told me he wouldn't let me.

"I didn't come here to accompany you," he retorted, but I was too fatigued to give a response. Both the running and the inconsistent crying had me drained from head to toe, and I couldn't afford to accommodate anything else.