by the sidelines • haechan

eight

"Why are you here?" I questioned as he chucked the box into my arms.

"To bring your stupid stuff, of course," Hyojin grumbled, rotating his arm as he grimaced with each swing. "Delivery costs too much so I decided to just come here instead."

I cocked my head to the side. "Are you sure it's not because you miss me?"

He stopped what he was doing and snarled, "Yeah right, can we just go in now?"

I placed the box gently on the floor and rummaged through my bag for the key, while he paced around restlessly. Gosh, he can't even wait one second. I unlocked the door and he rushed inside, collapsing onto the sofa with a huge sigh.

"Ah, my arms hurt from carrying that thing." He massaged his shoulders, glancing at me as I walked past him and set the box gently onto the table. I dug through the items inside, taking each one of them out and displaying then on the table. The last time I saw these, I was filled with bitter memories, I can't believe I'm excited to see them again.

"By the way, you haven't explained to me." My brother suddenly leaned forward, gesturing to the tattered box. I looked between the both of them with peak confusion.

"What explanation?" I blinked twice as he heaved a sigh.

"I thought you quit Taekwondo, so why'd you ask me to bring those?" He asked again, and I finally gave a reaction.

"Oh, that..." I ransacked my brain for a suitable reason, but the only ones that came to mind were that I needed exercise and a pastime. Neither would work.

"I needed rehabilitation for my ankle, you know, so I had no choice," I gritted my teeth as I lied. Well, technically it wasn't all lie, my foot did get better the moment I stepped in there. Hopefully, he would buy it too.

"Really?" He asked, raising his eyebrows at my foot, which was now in an ankle guard. I held my breath and nodded, wishing this whole interrogation would just end.

Hyojin leaned in closer, his face turning sour as he scowled, "You think I believe that?"

Apparently not.

"You ran away from Taekwondo just a few weeks back, and now you're going back to it for rehabilitation? Does it make sense to you?" He reprimanded, staring straight into my eyes. I was taken aback by his sudden explosion.

"I mean, I didn't say I'd quit, I was just taking a break," I refuted back, trying to weasel my way out of this situation. However, his eyes grew even wider at my words.

"You even left Seoul and your club, what part of that means taking a break?" He huffed, steam fuming from his reddish hair. I started getting pissed off too.

"I didn't have a choice, okay? And my decision wasn't made on a whim." I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why are you so sensitive anyway?"

"Sensitive!?" He threw his head back as he scoffed not once, but twice. I've never seen my brother so angry before, but for what though? It's not even his business. He managed to calm himself before continuing.

"Did you know how worried Mum was when she found out you were going to leave the sport that has been your fuel your whole life?"

That sentence caught me off guard as I was left speechless. Hyojin's eyes soften as he exhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a while. I never thought my decision would affect anyone in any way, but seeing how worked up my brother got over what I thought was a small matter...

"Sorry." Was the only thing that left my mouth. A long silence followed as guilt engulfed me like a huge wave, swallowing me like a whirlpool. Up until now, my life fully depended on Taekwondo, one would say I live for it. I remembered my mum's face falling drastically when I told her I'd quit but didn't think much about it since I was so depressed. I can't even imagine what was going on in her head when I said that.

I glanced at Hyojin, who had his forehead planted into his hand. Come to think of it, my brother was my biggest supporter even though he doesn't admit it. Was I too selfish? Another thought was bugging me and I plucked up my courage to ask him.

"Did Mum say anything when you brought my stuff over?" I cautiously asked, gulping as he raised his head.

"Luckily, she wasn't there when I left, so you should be grateful."

I let out a small sigh of relief. He inched closer to me and placed a hand on my shoulder, shifting me so I would face him.

"Look, I didn't come here just to deliver your stuff," he started, the fury in his eyes gradually turning into concern. "I want to at least know the real reason you left, and why you came back."

I sighed, believing that I should at least pour everything out to my only brother.

"Fine."

---

"That's all?" Hyojin questioned as I finished off the last bit of my long-ass story.

"What more do you want?" I heaved, suddenly exhausted from the storytelling. He shifted in his seat, motioning his hands around as if trying to fix an imaginary puzzle.

"So you initially joined for exercise, but continued because you liked the atmosphere there?" He summarised, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried to comprehend. I nodded in agreement. Of course, I didn't tell him about Donghyuck.

He glanced at me with much scepticism. "You're not lying to me again, are you?"

"Haven't I lied to you enough already?" I sighed, although that sentence itself wasn't all that truth. But there are some things that are best kept to myself.

"Anyway, since you're here," I changed the topic and took out my old uniform from the box. "Help me rip my old logo off."

I tossed it to him as he caught it with much confusion. He pointed at the sewn-on logo with uncertainty.

"Rip this? That would be impossible."

"That's why I need your help." I crawled to the drawer under the television and pulled it open, grabbing our aunt's sewing kit and placing it onto the table. Hyojin's face could not be more puzzled.

I took out a pair of scissors and some needles, passing on of them to my brother. He scrutinised it thoroughly, but I could tell he still didn't have any idea.

"Use the scissors to cut the thread, then use the needle to pluck them out." I demonstrated with one side of the logo, carefully cutting it so as to not damage the uniform itself. The ends of the thread immediately bounced up and I dug them out using the needle.

Meanwhile, the person beside me stared in awe. I passed it to him to continue, although with many worries that he might cut a hole in it.

"Slot it in here," I directed as he followed my instructions. Luckily, my brother's quite nimble with his fingers. As I winced with each cut he made, he successfully pulled out a whole chunk of thread and repeated those steps effortlessly. Indeed, he's an engineer.

"By the way, where's Aunt?" He asked, still focused on the little frays of thread. I didn't realise she wasn't at home.

"I guess she's still at the bakery." Our aunt usually stays at her workplace until late, so I never really see her around most of the time, but I like the quietness.

"Do you want a drink?" I stood up, dusting the strands of excess thread from my clothes. Hyojin finally broke away from his concentration and looked at me.

"Are you finally doing something nice for me?" He smirked. Ah yes, he's back to normal. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, are you that happy?" I mocked while he just laughed and continued plucking the logo. Maybe it was that emotional fit just now, but I wasn't as annoyed as I would be.

"Treat it as a thank you for doing your work," he replied, holding up my uniform which was now clean of my old club's logo. I was genuinely shocked by how fast he took it out.

I clicked my tongue and headed into the kitchen with a warm and fuzzy feeling inside me. No, thanks to you, I would no longer be judged by my appearance.

Or hopefully.