by the sidelines • haechan

two

I limped from one end of the room to the other, carrying yet another stack of clothes and dumping them into my luggage. Behind me, my older brother watched as I winced with each step taken.

"You know, if you're not gonna help, just leave," I blatantly said, not sparing him a look.

"Mum told me to supervise you in case you slip and fall," he replied with much mockery and I turned to him, irritated.

"You must be happy that I'm leaving, right? No more fighting for the bathroom," I scoffed, although I myself was glad I didn't need to see that face anymore.

He scrunched up his face. "Of course not, I'm worried that this baby may not survive for a day without me."

I threw a toner bottle at him, but he caught it just in time.

"Just go away! I'm so sick of you," I retorted as he smirked at my failed attack. 20 years and all he does is bother me, sometimes I wonder how he's a sports coach for elementary school students.

"You won't be the moment you arrive in Jeju, you'll be missing the hell out of me," he replied nonchalantly, leaving the room before giving me a chance to rebut. If my foot wasn't broken, I would back thrust his ass.

I swept a bunch of self-care items into a small pouch, causing one to roll off and under the table. I groaned as I crouched down, catching sight of a brown object at the corner of my eye.

I cautiously opened the box, flashbacks flooding back to me in a split second as I rummaged through the items that once sparked joy in me.

I sighed, picking up the red, worn out headgear that I always brought for training. I dug deeper, fishing out a torn target. I remember asking my brother to hold it for me while I practise, promising to buy him dinner after that. A white piece of fabric caught my attention from the bottom of the box.

It was the uniform I wore that day.

Bitter memories started flooding back into my head, but this time, I didn't push them away. After a while, I set it back down, reminiscing the last few moments before I closed the lids.

"Soon," I muttered as I pushed the box further under my table. A knock on the door snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Ready to go?" My mum asked as I took in a breath and nodded.

"Yes." I scanned the room one last time, before treading behind her with my baggage.

At the bottom of our apartment, a familiar-looking guy was leaning against a dark blue car, busy with his phone. I immediately frowned.

"He's gonna be driving me?" I scoffed as my brother finally looked up, sending a wave to me.

"What can I do? He insisted," my mum answered gently, caressing my hair as I met her concerned eyes. "Take care over there, alright?"

"Of course, mum. I'm your strong girl, remember?" I smiled through the pain that was surging through my heart. I somehow felt guilty for leaving her so suddenly, but I needed a new environment and Seoul was too hectic. Besides, it was only for the semestral break, I'll be back by next semester.

"You're gonna miss your plane like this!" My brother hollered from the car, breaking our mother-daughter moment. I gave my mum one last hug before limping into the passenger seat. I waved to her as the car started until she was out of sight, before turning my eyes to the front of the road.

"Aish, I could've been going out with my friends today," a voice beside me complained loudly.

"Not my fault you insisted." I raised my eyebrows, but he was indifferent.

"I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do, now shut up," he snapped, his sudden kindness being caught in the act while he continued to look straight.

"Just admit that you do care," I smirked as he nudged my forehead away from him, wearing a frown on his face.

The car filled with silence a while later as I stared out of the window, watching buildings grow sparse as agricultural land took over. It was a 2-hour ride to the airport, so a little snooze would be good now. I closed my eyes and let myself sink into dreamland, but it wasn't long until a voice cut in.

"You're sleeping? Such a pig." Geez, he can't even let me rest in peace. I opened my mouth to reply, but his following words cut my short.

"But anyway, stay safe over there, I don't want Aunt to bug me if anything goes wrong."

His laconic statement of concern somehow left a warm, fuzzy feeling in me. That's our relationship for you. Only two years apart, yet we've never shown any affection whatsoever; in fact, I would count this as a first.

---

We stood in front of the departure hall, with me leaning onto the handle of my luggage for support. I watched as families and couples bid their farewells to their loved ones before entering the hall, but I couldn't seem to move a muscle. I'm finally leaving, but why do I feel so reluctant to go?

"Enough stalling?" I glanced up to my brother, who was scrolling through his phone mindlessly. Of course, he's not bothered by my departure.

"Don't you have anything else to say to me? It may be the last time you'll see me in person," I asked, finally catching his attention. He put down his phone but kept his eyes straight.

"What else do you want me to say? Something cheesy like I'll miss you?" He scoffed. I shrugged, giving him the opportunity to broaden his choices. He sighed, placing a hand on my head and rubbing it furiously.

"Just don't cause trouble there, okay? Or else I'll come and get you," he smirked and pushed my head away. I snarled at his stark reply, straightening out my hair.

"I'll be going then," I announced, giving him a short wave as I brisk walked to the entrance, totally forgetting about my injury. As I entered the hall, I peeped over my shoulder once more, but the being had disappeared. He really couldn't wait to leave, could he?

I strolled past the rows of branded shops, customers either staying for hours or immediately leaving upon entering. Another memory unlocked in my head as I passed by an overpriced desserts shop.

If I wasn't dieting, I would've bought a dozen of those macarons, my voice echoed in my head as it complained to Coach Yoon on the way back from an overseas training. She pat my shoulder, saying she would treat me the moment the competition was over.

I sighed, my conflicting thoughts taking over me again.

"It's all in the past now," I convinced myself once again, threatening my mind with the painful memories of that day. I strode along the aisles of boarding lanes until I reached mine, a smile of relief growing on my face.

As I settled down onto my seat, I gazed out of the window. The view was nothing but intersections and runways, the pastel blue backdrop covering the sky as the sun illuminated it from behind. Reality hit me once again as the plane got ready for take-off.

"Goodbye, Seoul."