by the sidelines • haechan

thirty four

"I'm sorry-"

Both of us turned to each other immediately, shocked at the sound of our voices clashing. After seconds of silently staring, I fought to apologise first. "Sorry for storming out of our training session that day, I was just frustrated that I couldn't keep up with you, so I got mad at you instead of myself."

The words seem to tumble out of my mouth endlessly as if there was a script inside my head, but I did feel a tad bit lighter after those were said. Still, I bit my lip, contemplating whether I should continue considering I'm already at it. Ugh, whatever.

"Al-also, you were right," I stuttered, causing him to look at me dubiously, "I've been thinking about it a lot, and you were right. I have no true drive to keep me going, only leeching off people's comments as fuel and when that stopped, I stopped too. Having you as my main source of motivation really got me off my feet, so thank you for that."

I gulped back any disgusting feeling I felt when I finished, feeling as though I've revealed my worst weakness to my enemy. It didn't make me feel as relieved as I thought it would, rather I felt ashamed. And Donghyuck's reaction didn't make it any better.

He narrowed his eyes first as if processing my words, before raising his eyebrows in amazement and finally pulling his lips into a smirk. "What a complicated way to thank someone," he mentioned, but I couldn't afford to give more than a grimace.

"Take it or leave it. Don't you have something to say to me too?" I stared at the blocks of apartments in front of me, refusing to make eye contact with him. I hadn't gotten rid of Soobin's assumption just yet, and the thought continues to lurk around my brain like a saltwater crocodile waiting for lunch. I cannot deal with any more complications today.

"I want to apologise for that day too," he stated as I shook that disturbing thought off my mind, "I was preoccupied with the fact that my dad was coming to the competition, but that wasn't an excuse to vent out on you. Sorry."

His apology was rather hoarse, but it somehow lightened the mood a little. "Tsk, at least you're aware of that. You don't know how much I had to put up with," I blurted out, not stopping him from responding even though I knew what he was gonna say.

"Be grateful, what would you have been without my help."

I know he intended to sound arrogant, but somehow his words brought a frown to my face. Not in a bad way, but I was still confused. Why exactly did he help me? Some part of me knew it wasn't because he felt pity, although that may be one of the factors, but something deeper than that. No one would randomly waltz up to you and declare that they help you without a motive. Either he was embarrassed or... no way.

I glanced at him, debating on whether I should ask him, but what if it became awkward afterwards? I would absolutely hate that. Nonetheless, it was the only way I could find out.

"Speaking of which," I started steadily, "Is there a hidden reason why you're helping me?" I narrowed my eyes at his ludicrous ones as he let out a hideous scoff. "I thought we were done with that. Why? What have you thought of?"

"Do you perhaps... have feelings for me?"

"What?!" Donghyuck's face distorted into what one may describe as a mixture of horror, absurdity and disgust. "Of course not! Why the hell would you think that?"

But honestly, I was grateful for this reaction.

"Oh my gosh, that's a relief," I heaved out a muffled sigh, my heart rate slowly going back to normal. "I was afraid it might get awkward between us."

He laughed hysterically at my answer, staring at me in disbelief once again. "I can't believe you actually thought of that, you really must've gone bonkers from today's training."