Undesirable

Chapter 4

The day of my meeting with Marcus Alexander arrived quicker than I thought. I guess time flies when you struggle to fish for several hours every day. I'd love to say I'm not nervous, but that would be a massive lie. I'm completely terrified. With my twenty-first birthday just over a month away, this could be the last chance I get to bag a proposal. Marcus Alexander isn't the ideal match, but he's better than none, so I have to turn on the charm.

Ana sat up with me most of last night, going over possible topics of conversation that could come up, or things he may be interested in. She asked me questions and I answered them best as I could. She suggested - more like ordered - that I need to come across smart, but not overly intelligent. To be confident, but not arrogant. To smile, keep my shoulders back and be perfectly pleasant. Easy for her to say, she was born that way. I, on the other hand, have about as much grace and elegance as a limping duck. If I'd been born like Ana, I would have been married years ago.

At the first meeting I ever attended, the man told me that I talked too much and that my voice was painstaking to listen to. All I had done prior to his comment was introduced myself, but apparently, that was a step too far for him. Every meeting is like endeavouring to walk across a very thin wire, fifty feet in the air, all while balancing spinning plates on sticks. One slip and I fall to my death.

My mother lay her navy-blue dress out on my bed for me this morning. She insists that I wear it to every meeting, as it was the dress she wore when she met my father, and the same Ana wore when she met Jaxx. Every time she takes it out of the trunk at the end of her bed, she tells me the story of how she made it. How she spent hour upon hour sewing the small silver moons and stars into the fabric, with a needle and thread that took her months to save up for, and how the gods sang to her as she sewed. Most people would describe my mother as mad, but we choose to use 'colourful'. After the sixth meeting I had, I could recite the whole story back to her, word for word. Though, it never held the same sentiment as it did when it came from her mouth.

I scrubbed every inch of my body before I got changed, even going as far as to pick the sand and salt out from underneath my nails. I washed and rewashed my hair until the smell of fish faded, but no matter how hard I try, there will always been some left in it. I think even the gods would struggle to get it out.

Everything has to be perfect. Not even a hairpin can slip out of place. I can't risk letting anything ruin this day, everything needs to go to plan. I don't know if I'll ever get another shot.

I set off to the meeting hall just before sunrise, as Ana and my mother wave at me from the front door. The walkways and stairs are quiet this morning, but a few fishermen are heading out to their boats to get a few early catches. One or two of them wave at me too, wishing me good luck as I pass by. I'm not a superstitious person, I don't believe in witches and magical powers like my older sister, but I will take any luck I can get. I have a strong sense that I'm going to need it.

The meeting house is a little run-down shed just on the outskirts of the village. I swear it used to be an old fishing supplies hut that was abandoned, before being converted into what it is today. Every married couple in our village has, at some point, been inside it. My mother describes it as a thing of beauty, with bright walls and exquisite woodwork, but that must have been before all the rot and damp settled in. If the wind blew hard enough, the whole thing would collapse and fall to pieces.

Surprisingly, I'm not the first girl to arrive. Four girls are kneeling outside the meeting house, their heads down and their hands on their knees. I take the spot next to the fourth girl, sitting in the same position. She doesn't lift her head to look up at me. She is frozen like a statue.