Undesirable

Chapter 12

*This chapter is dedicated to Marcus Rashford, Jadon Sancho, and Bukayo Saka. They did England proud. The racist abuse they've received is unacceptable.*

Two weeks have passed since my meeting with Cesare and I still haven't heard a word from him. My birthday is less than a week away, and with every night that passes the more realistic the nightmares of being branded become.

I'd thought the meeting had gone well - nothing suggested otherwise - and I allowed myself to think that he would choose me. The sensation is quickly fleeting; disappearing into a pipe dream, as reality settles in that I was living in a false sense of security. I only have a few more days before my time is up, and then I can wait no longer.

Kya keeps on insisting that he just needs to take his time, as it's an important decision and he wants to ensure he doesn't make a big mistake. But I don't have much time left. He is going to have to hurry up. Or I won't be around for him to propose to. I strive to distract myself by focusing on my work, but even the fish are avoiding me more than usual. It's like they can sense the doomed fate that awaits me and they don't want to risk being nearby.

"Maybe he wants to give you as much time here as possible before you make the big move up there," Kya suggests. I know she is trying to be helpful, but she is only irritating me further. I need to accept that he didn't think the meeting went as well as I did, and the other girls who attended were far much better. They are trained, after all.

"I just wish he would let me know," I sigh. "I need to prepare myself in case I'm being banished."

I'm striving to sound as fearless as I can, pretending that the idea of banishment is just a thing I am going to have to go through, rather than what it's really doing - scaring me half to death. Some nights the dreams surpass the branding and drift into a horror of an invisible force pulling me by my ankles, dragging me down to the Lower Tier. I grip onto the ground, but the sand just slips through my fingers, offering no support. There is nothing I can do about it, and no one to there to help. The lack of sleep isn't helping my stress, either. Mother says if she hears me pacing downstairs in the kitchen one more night, she is going to brand and banish me herself.

"You shouldn't think so negatively, Sav. Just give him a chance to think things through," Kya tells me, for what feels like the one-hundredth time.

I shrug, "Let's hope so." At this point, hopelessness is just becoming my reality.

When Marcus Alexander proposed to Maya, everyone thought it was quick. No one proposes after only two days. However, two weeks is even more unheard of. I have reached the moment where I just have to accept that it isn't going to happen and move on. It would be a lot easy if I had a few years left instead of days, but for now, I just have to handle what the gods are throwing at me.

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I catch the least number of fish I have ever caught since I began working on the beach and only to take one fish home. Such a small meal to share between the five of us is not going to go down well. Or four of us, at least; Ana hasn't left our room for the past two weeks. I don't think she has eaten a bite since she found out that Jaxx had left. Still, Mother insists on cooking her some food and leaving it outside the door, even if it does go to waste. I have seen Karissa steal some and take it back to her room when she thinks no one is looking. I do the same. Maybe Mother will take one look at the singular fish I am bringing home tonight and decide against it. If Ana doesn't want to eat, why should the rest of us suffer?

I say goodbye to Kya before taking the turn that leads up to my house, when I see my mother running down the stairs towards me in a fluster. Her hair is a mess, her skin is red from running, and she is out of breath from the exercise she doesn't normally do. She rarely leaves the house, because my father needs constant care and attention, so something has to be wrong. I can't even remember the last time I saw her down by the beach.