Undesirable

Chapter 26

I can't go back to our room. Not now. Not after everything that has happened. There's only one place that I can truly be alone, where no one will bother me, to give myself a second to fully process the events of tonight. I rush down the corridors, not caring who hears me or if I wake anyone up, and enter my dressing room, locking the door behind me so no one else can get in. Now that I'm finally alone, I can let it all out. The anger, the pain, the fear; none of it holds itself back. I slide down the door as my body shakes from sobbing, the only thing holding me together is the tight grip of my arms wrapped around my legs.

I'm not an idiot; I know our marriage isn't real, but the betrayal hurts all the same. I thought that we were friends and that we trusted each other. Apparently, I was wrong. How could I be so stupid to think that a Lord from the Higher Tier could actually be interested in me without any ulterior motives? It would be laughable if it wasn't my life. I should have realised from the start that something wasn't right, that there were strategic reasons behind his decision, and that no one up here would do such a thing out of the kindness of their hearts. He didn't care about me; he didn't care about any of it. He was just thinking about himself.

I'm not sure how long I'm sat on the floor, but the second that the sun begins to shine through the window, I decide I need to get out of the villa. Not just escaping into the gardens, or out to the stables, I need to get off the estate and be as far away from this place as possible. I can go to Eliza's, talking with her will cheer me up. I pray she doesn't mind me showing up at her door, unannounced, so early in the morning.

I throw on some new clothes and shove my hair up into a style that would definitely make Signora Russo roll her eyes, before making my exit. I think about leaving Cesare a note, telling him where I am, but since I'm mad at him and he likes keeping secrets from me, I don't mind letting him suffer for a bit.

Call it a pathetic attempt at payback, if you want. But I'm past the point of caring.

Half an hour later, Speranza and I are in front of Eliza's villa. I hand over Speranza's reins to the stableboy and head inside. To my relief, Eliza is happy to see me, and before I know it, we are sat outside in her garden having cakes and tea delivered to us by her servants. Her garden isn't as spectacular as Cesare's, but it's still beautiful. Flowers grow everywhere, and ivy weaves itself up the pillars and arches. She has vast amounts of bright green grass everywhere you look, covered only by a few paving stones to walk across, which lead to the table we are sat at. It's simple but stunning, just like Eliza.

"Can you believe the cheek of him?" Eliza tuts, referring to her son's recent behaviour. "I told the little rascal, 'your father doesn't get away with speaking to me like that, and neither will you.' That kept him quiet. I'm warning you now, Savanna, don't have all boys. They are terrible hard work."

After last night, I will be lucky if I ever get a child at all. I can't even look at Cesare at the moment, never mind having a baby with him. I just wish I had someone to talk to about it all. Eliza is wonderful, don't get me wrong, but anything that I say could be used against me. I have to keep things to myself and out of the ears of everyone else.

"Then again, have you seen Sofia Capello's daughters?" She gasps, raising her eyebrows in a judgmental manner. "Two girls and they are both about to become teenagers. I pray for the poor women every night."

"I never thought to ask you about your children, Eliza," I say, taking a sip of my tea. "How many do you have?"

"I have three boys, all under the age of ten," She replies, rolling her eyes at the thought. I have no clue how she wants me to react, so I push a smile onto my face, pretending to be amused. "We did have four, but the first one died poor thing."