Undesirable

Chapter 25

I collapse by the edge of the fountain, my cries fighting to break their way out. I am unable to hold them in any longer. My whole body is shaking with anger, my rage flowing through my veins, making me want to scream. The estate is probably big enough, I bet no one would hear me; excluding Signora Russo, of course. She has the ears of a bat.

Since I got here, I have been distracted by the evil glares from the other wives, Kanan's torments, Queen Octavia's harsh rule; hell, I was terrified of Signora Russo after the stunt she pulled with Christina. Yet, it turns out they were all the least of my concerns. My true enemy was right in front of me, sleeping in the same bed, smiling and weaving lies about being each other saviours. I am such an idiot. All this time I have been living in a cage and Cesare has been the one holding the key. His kind eyes, his gentle voice, everything about him led me to believe I could trust him, that I was safe. Turns out we've been dancing on a knife's edge, all along, and I've just fallen off.

I can't keep still, the muscles in my legs are twitching, howling at me to move them. I begin to pace backwards and forwards, unsure of what else I can do to ease their screams. Thousands of tiny little earthquakes are erupting inside me, all at once, electrifying my muscles and torturing my bones.

How could he do this to me? Why didn't he tell me?

I deserved to know before I agreed to marry him, at least then I would have had some idea of what I was getting myself into. How can I trust him now, when he refused to tell me a secret that could potentially get me killed? It makes me wonder what else he is hiding from me. I am beginning to question every word he has ever said, searching for hidden meanings and trying to decipher the truth from the web of lies. He said we were saving each other, but all he has done is changed my method of execution. If he gets caught, I will fall with him, and I trust that Kanan will make it as prolonged and painful as he possibly can.

"Savanna!" Cesare emerges from the villa, out of breath.

My body instinctively launches itself in the other direction, as I try to run away from him. Unfortunately, he is too fast and eventually catches up with me, grabbing me by my upper arm to draw me to a halt.

"Please, you have to let me explain," He pleas.

Let him? There is no 'let' in this situation. I demand him to explain what possessed him to do such a stupid thing like help the Resistance.

Ripping my arm from his grip and folding them across my chest, I snap, "This better be good." Even though I'm no longer pacing, my foot impatiently taps hard against the ground, as I impatiently wait for his answer.

"Octavia is not a good person," He states.

Is he actually kidding me, right now? There better be more at the end of that sentence, or I am going to punch him in the face.

"Do you think I don't know that?" I bark. "I lived on the Middle Tier, Cesare, for twenty-one years of my life! She and her family have tortured my people for centuries! What part of that made you think that I might be confused by her morals?"

His gaze falls to the floor, embarrassed by his ignorance. For a man whose intelligence I had always been in awe of, he looks pretty stupid now.

"The Resistance is fighting against that," He tells me, as if it will make any difference.

"The Resistance is as bad as she is," I snap, not accepting his excuse.

"I'm not asking you to be ok with it."

"Good," I spit, "because I am not!" And I never will be, I want to add. "After everything we talked about today, about surviving, not ending up like my sister...you didn't think to tell me this?"