[ extra special ] ~ tom hiddleston

3 - buttholes

PART 3:
buttholes

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

the bad bitches
【vitch — valencia callisto】
【 titch — timothee chalamet】
【hitch — harry styles】
【zitch — zendaya】
【ditch — dylan o'brien】

titch:
VAL ESPÈCE DE CONNASSE!
(val you bitch)

hitch:
doesnt that mean bitch? H

titch:
YES IT DOES HARRY.

zitch:
who tf changed our names?
they were cool.

hitch:
val changed them about two days
ago, something about it getting
too boring.

zitch:
what do they even mean?

hitch:
bitch but instead of b it's our
first initial.

titch:
THATS NOT IMPORTANT RN!
DID YOU SEE?

zitch:
what?
OH
RIGHT.
MISS CALLISTO HAS JOINED
THE MCU!

hitch:
pardon?

titch:
and didn't tell us!

ditch:
just woke up from my nap and
saw it on my feed. what the fuck?

vitch:
what are you buttholes screaming
about?
isn't it like 5:00AM in
england, harry?

hitch:
no you just suck at remembering
time zones..
anywho, you joining the mcu is a
huge deal! bigger than time
stupid zones right now.

titch:
merci harold. merci.

vitch:
oh, haha.
sorry for not telling you guys :/
had to keep it a secret,
marvel orders.

zitch:
DUDE—
that's more than okay!!!
WERE SO HAPPY DOR YOU ❤️

hitch:
for*
but yes! i'm so proud of
you idiot 🥰

ditch:
me too, sapphire :) you deserve it
and much more!

titch:
she still lied to us 😤😤😤😤

ditch:
timothee! be nice!

titch:
sorry dad.
IM SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR
YOU VALENCIA
YOURE THE BEST
JSHSJSHS
ARE A SUPERHERO OR
VILLIAN?

zitch:
GOOD QUESTION!

vitch:
thank you guys! you're the best!
and i'm not telling you ;)

titch:
NOOOOO
FUCK YOU

ditch:
i will find out one way or
another, i'm your favorite.

vitch:
and who decided that?

ditch:
me, obviously ;)

zitch:
no flirting!

———

The Marvel Bunch

unknown number:
oh my god.

unknown number:
i'm guessing you saw the post too!

unknown number:
VALENCIA CALLIDOSJSO IS
JDIEI THE MCU

unknown number:
wow holland, pretty excited?

unknown number:
HE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE!
VALENCIA FUCKING CALLISTO
IS GOING TO BE ACTING WITH US.

unknown number:
wait what? I HAD NO IDEA!
GUYS WAIT LET ME BREATHE.
DO YOU MEAN
THE VALENCIA THAT IS 24
YEARS OLD?
SINGER AND ACTOR AND
MODEL AND BEAUTIFUL HUMAN?
THE ONE WITH OVER
200M FOLLOWERS IN INSTAGRAM?

unknown number:
YES!

unknown number:
calm ya tits y'all!
the russo brothers told me to
add valencia to the chat. i have
her number and ready to add
her but i'm gonna need you
guys to chill.

unknown number:
we are SO chill rn, robert.
i don't know what ur talking about.

unknown number:
sure. i'm adding her now!

you were just added to the group chat "The Marvel Bunch" by an unknown number.