IN YOUR DREAMS...

ch 20:A little heartbreak!

     As soon as I heard the school bell,I looked at Shawn.He got up from his seat and started walking with me.We walked slowly towards the bridge.He held my hands on the midway.But I didn't pull it away.He's still my friend.A friend who I can trust completely.
   I talk about Shawn the most,but I don't really think of him much.I keep thinking about Shane,but I never talk about him.Its funny how we don't talk much about the things we love the most!!
    I sat on the stone bench,under the bridge.He sat beside me with a smile.Judging by his expression,he looked happy and nervous at the same time.
   I didn't know how to start."So-"
"Just say it.I can't wait!You're making me more nervous"
    "Okay,first answer me these questions!",I looked at him.
   "Yes",he gulped.
"Uh!Would you accept whatever I say!no matter if it's a 'yes' or 'no'"I waited for his answer.
   "Ofcourse,I will.After all,Its your choice.I won't force you"
   "You shouldn't ask any more questions after I give my answer.Is that fine?"
    He showed me a thumbs up.
"You see,Shawn-".I began,"I've given it a thought.But I don't think I love you.I'm sorry.You're my friend,in fact the best and a worthy friend I've ever had.You've taught me so many things and I still depend on you for everything.You are a part of my life too!In fact,a best part of my life".I tried to look at his face and smile.
But he was staring at the ground.
  "Who is he? ",he asked in a sharp tone.
  "We decided that there will be no more questions after I give my answer!",I exclaimed.
  "But if you really see me as your friend then tell me who he is  ?",he asked.
  He guessed it correctly.He thinks that I love someone else and that's the reason why I rejected his confession.It is true in a way!But I can't say who it is!..It's his own brother who he thinks has disappeared without a trace.If I mention him now,I'll get into trouble then.
   "But Shawn-",I was thinking of a better excuse.
  "Okay fine!I don't want to interfere in your personal life!Just answer me this",he tightened his grip on my hands.I tried to release my hand from his grip.But no use,he was more stronger.
    "Why did you say 'no'?Was I not good enough?Give me a reason why you decided a 'no' ",he looked into my eyes.
   He is only making me more scared!Shane has never done anything like this to me.Though they are brothers,how can they be so different from each other ? Like Shawn is a total badass playboy type while Shane is more innocent.How did they both grow up together under one roof?
    "I have only seen you as a friend!",I lied.Yes,it is a pure lie.
    I did love him at first but after being with Shane in my dreams and after I got to know him better.Shane became my priority.I like his personality.But Shawn on the other was very supportive and cared for me.I liked that.I loved Shane so much that I mistook Shawn for him.I thought Shawn was the real-life Shane.So as I loved Shane so much,I thought I should settle with Shawn.But after knowing the truth that they are two different persons.I have to go for the one I love.If I choose Shawn over Shane,it would be like fooling him as well as fooling myself too.He even told me that he won't force me and all.But why is so aggressive now!

"It's a lie!Did you really only see me as a friend?" ,he asked with a serious look on his face.
    "Yes".I rolled my eyes.
When did lying become such a casual thing for you,Jade?
    But I was doing an A+ acting there,pretending that I don't have anyone I like.I must get myself an Oscar!

"Then what about getting possessive. Whenever a girl talks to  me,you ask me thousand questions like who is she?Why she is talking to me and all those? "
  He caught me off guard!But still I tried to manage my best.
  "Every girl would normally do that".Here comes another lie,straight out of my mouth.
    "I was just trying to know what you were doing?",I added.
"Huh?Really!",he released my hand and looked away.
   "You really don't like me?",he looked at the ground.Oh no,he was hurt.
   Why am I so selfish??Sometimes,I hate myself. But this time,I have to blame it on the situation.
   I can clearly grasp how he must be feeling now.
  "It's not like I don't like you.I think of you as a good and a best friend a person could ever get".
   "Is it so?"
I nodded.
    "If its like that.Then I'm flattered".He tried to smile.
  I laughed and he joined me too!
     

    We walked around the bridge for a while,silence filling the gaps in between us.Somehow,I felt guilty.I looked at him,his always energetic face looked so dull.He wore his head down while walking.Though he acts fine in front of me,I know exactly how much a heartbreak can kill you.But I'm sorry Shawn!I've got no other option.
   I held his hand,"Lets eat an icecream".I smiled.
   He smiled and bought us both an icecream each.
     And just when I thought he was fine,he began,"Maybe hearts were made to break".
   "They are like elegant glasses,hold so tight or put it down,they'll break it.But there will be someone who will be able to fix it back again.And though they are broken,they will still be a masterpiece.Beleive me,there'll be someone who can fit right into that broken pieces and make it feel complete".I smiled.
  "Huh!Silly ",he walked away holding his icecream and I had to follow him.
   

    We stopped by the coffee shop.
"Go inside",he said.
   "Are you not coming?",I enquired.
"No,I've got work".
  "Are you still going to work?",the words ran out of my mouth.
  "Why?Should I buy you something only if you are my girlfriend?"
  "No,it's not like tha-"
"You said I'm your friend.Won't you accept any gifts from your friend?",he raised his brows questioningly.
    "Ofcourse,I will!".I nodded.

         You trusted me so much and placed your happiness on my hands.Have I dropped it,Shawn?