emotions | love alarm

18 ~

Chapter Eighteen

"Sir you're dragging it."

"I just want you to be aware."

The entirety of their afternoon on their first day back from vacation had consisted of him trying to make her anxious or nervous about school the next day. They were officially coming out as a couple and despite Ae-ri constantly reassuring him that she did not give a flying fuck about what anyone else thought about them, Sun-oh was still a bit on edge and he knew exactly why.

Jo-jo hadn't wanted anyone to know about their relationship and now he was overcompensating because he didn't want to lose Ae-ri; he knew it was him projecting his insecurities onto the relationship but he simply didn't now how else to navigate his feelings.

Ae-ri looks away from the book in her hands to glance at Sun-oh's genuinely concerned face and feels slightly agitated upon her observation; he kept comparing her to Jo-jo which in of itself made her pissed, but now he was affecting her relaxation time which was a crime. She shakes her head as she looks down to her book and flips to the next page, "Consider me aware."

Sun-oh sighs heavily, "Are you sure? Because you seem like you don't care-"

"Because I don't," she snaps, irritated he kept assuming she would be like Jo-jo in the area of reactions and desires. "You're my romantic partner and I don't see where the opinion of others would even remotely matter in a relationship that has nothing to do with them."

Sun-oh felt warm at her words, yet doubt still crept into his mind. He saw how timidly Jo-jo was around him at school and he just wanted to make sure Ae-ri knew he was okay with whatever she wanted. Ae-ri was different in that she desired to show their relationship, but nonetheless, his past kept coming back to haunt him.

He bites his lip as Ae-ri takes off her glasses, and rubs her temples, trying to find the best way to filter out her words so he wouldn't get hurt. She looks up only to see him looking at her vulnerably, perhaps slightly embarrassed by his insecurities. Their eyes hold each other before she leans over the table and intertwines their hands, kissing the top of his knuckles.

"You are special to me, Sun-oh. I'm not gonna do you like she did you. I want to make you feel safe, so don't worry about things you shouldn't have to. The last thing I desire is to cause you distress," she says quietly, her fingers pressing his hand against her cheek.

Sun-oh's heart begins to beat in his ears, the comforting words he had wanted to hear for so long were finally being spoken. His eyes flicker over her face and she holds his gaze, sinking further into his touch.

"Thank you," he whispers with glossy eyes, caressing her cheek softly. Her eyes glimmer and she smiles gently, "Always."

***

When she gets home, Ae-ri slumps everything to the ground, peels off her clothing, slips her curls in a messy bun at the top of her head and begins to prep for a bath. She was inexplicably exhausted from the energy Sun-oh was exuding today and she wanted to decompress before having to navigate it all again tomorrow.

She loved him, that much she knew, but sometimes it felt like no matter how much progress he made, no matter how much time had passed, he was still comparing their relationship to his previous one. She sinks into the tub and relaxes into the warm water tinted a vibrant blue from a bath bomb as she racks her brain for the solution to her exasperating problem.

I should comfort him and if it continues to be a source of anxiety, I should speak to him about it, she concludes.

She didn't know how else to go about it that didn't end up with them taking a break till he was ready to be in a relationship. She scrubs herself furiously in frustration; the thought of him not being ready had crossed her mind the night she found out about his feelings, but she gave into the fantasy he offered her where their romance wasn't influenced by outside factors.

Ae-ri sits in her bathtub and lets silence flush through before she takes a deep breath and begins picking a part her feelings. She acknowledges her frustration, then lets it out with a breath, and continues until she feels calm. She thinks about Sun-oh and how a part from his insecurities, he was so much more; he was warmth, home, and a safe space where she could love without fear of retribution or belittlement.

She finishes off her bath before slapping on lotion, finishing her skincare routine, slipping on her jam jams, and slumping into her bed. Her body hums at the comfort and as she lowers the lights, she texts Sun-oh goodnight and falls into a deep sleep.

***

The next morning comes with minor inconveniences that begin the instant Ae-ri wakes up. Her alarm goes off an hour too early, her hair was being difficult, she couldn't find the right book for her mood, and to top it all off her almond milk was expired. She could feel the urge to cry hot behind her eye lids but could also feel the burning rage ache at her throat.

She takes a deep breath before she picks a part all of her emotions, but even that was too much for her. She considers not going to school, these instances seemed too many for her not to take it as an omen.

"Mother," she speaks.

Amara turns around, her eyes concerned. Ae-ri didn't talk the first hour she was awake and when she did, it meant something was wrong.

"Yes?"

"I don't want to go to school today."

"Do you have anything important to do today?"

"Sun-oh and I were going to come out as a couple."

"I see."

"Should I stay or should I go?"

Amara ponders the two options. If Ae-ri stayed, Sun-oh might get a bit irritated or he might be really worried whereas if Ae-ri went, her patience would be extremely thin and then she wouldn't be able to function at her best.

"I think you should go; you'll feel better when you're there."

Ae-ri dramatically collapses onto the floor with a groan and deeply sighs. "I can't put up with their stupidity today mother. I won't be able to fully dissect their feelings either."

"It's gonna be okay. You'll have Sun-oh."

Ae-ri softly cries out and says, "He's part of the problem."

Amara walks around the island and looks down at the elegant but tragic pile of limbs that was her only daughter. She sips her coffee, "Maybe you should stay home."

***

Sun-oh kicks a couple pebbles as he waits for Ae-ri to arrive like he usually does and tries to calm down his mind. He didn't know why he felt so anxious upon knowing they would be seen in a new light; he knew it didn't really affect her but that didn't quell his stress.

Fifteen minutes pass by and he begins to feel stupid for waiting so long. The bell rings after ten more minutes and a small part of him begins to feel resentment while the larger part of him feels worried that something might have happened.

He whips out his phone, prepared to call everyone it took to make sure she was okay but halts when he sees the message sent thirty minutes ago from her saying: Not feeling capable of being human today. I'm so so sorry, I won't be there today.

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