emotions | love alarm

26 ~

Chapter Twenty-Six

Sun-oh sighs as he packs up his backpack and tugs his headphones down so they hung around his neck before ruffling his hair gently. He was tired. He zips up the bag and pushes in his chair at the library before giving a brief once-over at the people there and only finding giggly love alarm participants instead of the girl he actually wanted.

He had developed the destructive habit of coming here in hopes of seeing just a glimpse of her and so far it had been a waste of time.

A few people had come up to him in the past two months to gossip about her and what he had gathered was that her and In-ho were basically on the verge of a relationship, but that In-ho wasn't the person that he had made himself out to be—Sun-oh wasn't quite sure what to believe.

The library was pretty quiet for a Tuesday afternoon and he had appreciated it—he needed a break from the whirlwind of events and shoots he had been asked to be a part of. He had a shoot later this evening and wanted to get some homework done before then, as well as get a caffeine fix. He had been tired as of lately, but he also refused to accept the downward spiral of his thoughts at any and all costs.

The emotional intelligence Ae-ri had forced him to develop was coming in handy.

His footsteps leave him before the exit and he sighs, accepting another failed mission, just as the door swings open and Ae-ri walks in, her eyes meeting his at the same time he realizes it's her.

She's here.

He freezes, his heart sinking and pulsing and hurting but also rising and sighing and hoping. His body flushes with warmth, his brain excited, his eyes already brimming with life again.

He watches as her shoulders slump, like the release of an unknown tension, and sees her eyes soften and relax. He pretends not to notice.

"Hi."

"Hello."

They smile knowingly at the synchronicity of their greeting and she takes a step closer, a bit cautious. Her hands were behind her back, her eyes fighting between looking at him and looking at anything but him.

"How are you?" she questions softly, her eyes deciding to meet his unapologetically.

She watches as his mouth opens, his lips tug into a sorrowful smile, and his eyes dim a bit, "How are you?"

She nods in understanding—they were on the same boat.

"I've seen some of your shoots, they look really good," she looks up at him, trying to take all of him in at once. He was thinner, the circles under his eyes worrisome.

"Thank you," he nods, his stare falling to her mouth before meeting her eyes.

They stay quiet, silence and unspoken words being their preferred language at the moment.

They both exhale and she has to tear her eyes away from his before she started crying.

"I hope everything continues to go well."

"You're making it sound like a goodbye."

"Is that not what you wanted?"

"I wanted you to be happy."

"You made me happy."

"I wanted you to be happier."

"Bullshit."

"Ae-ri," he protests painfully, his voice straining.

"Sun-oh," the name felt foreign on her tongue.

She looked tired, like she was putting a fight that would never end; her body perpetually tense unlike how she used to be. He wanted to hold her.

"It was necessary."

"I disagree," she rasps out, her facial expressions betraying her as he catches a glimpse of the raw pain lying underneath her brilliant facade.

Sun-oh sighs and looks at the time, a gesture he regrets when he sees her face express a flicker of hurt upon perceiving it.

"No, it's-"

She felt hollow.

"-It's okay," her voice quiet. "You don't have to explain yourself to me, Sun-oh."

"But I want to."

"But it is no longer my privilege. You do not owe me anything."

"I owe you everything."

He could feel the ache in her chest from here.

"You owe me nothing," she reiterates.

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not. Don't apologize."

"Ae-ri," he exhales.

"You keep saying my name like it exasperates you."

"I'm sorry."

Silence.

She takes a step away and has to press her hands into fists to not completely break a part in from of him.

"Farewell, Sun-oh," she bows her head gently, avoiding his eyes, before exiting the library and deciding education was not her priority at the moment.

He lets a groan slip from his throat as he closes his eyes, fighting the burning in them.

Their first conversation after their break-up and it could not have gone any worse.

***

"What's wrong?" In-ho inquires when she passive aggressively slams her computer shut and packs all of her homework away.

"Nothing," she deflects.

But the answer was the biggest lie she'd ever told.

She missed him.

She didn't know how much until today and the idea that the empty place where his soul used to be was never going to fill up again was sending her over the edge.

"Okay, Did you still want to hang out or would you like to be alone?"

"I'd like to be alone please."

"Okay, sweetheart," he consoles.

In-ho packs up and as they both get up to leave he slips his hand into hers and gives it a comforting squeeze.

"It's his loss, don't forget that."

She pulls away, "I disagree."