The king's first wife

Letter I

Dear Sohit, 

It had been months since he had heard her beautiful voice or seen her face. Had been such a long time since he saw her dance in the rain or smile at him. Been a long time since he heard her complain about or was even able to say her name. There was once a time when the only voice going on in the entire palace was his voice calling "PARI!" and now, even thinking about her was a sin. But he just missed her so very dearly that he couldn't help but look away and shed a few tears. 

Yes. His plan was successful! His idiot brother-in-law was able to get a hold of the woman that his heart was longing for and now, reading her handwriting after so long only made it harder for him to control his immense sadness at her absence in his life. 

I'm scared... 
That day, when Ajji accused me and sent me away... I thought that you never would want to see my face again. I thought that you believed her. I thought you blamed me for it too because you never once looked back at me. Why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you help me? I was in the cold prison for a day and no one once came to see me. Not you, nor ma, nor anyone else. What were you so busy with? 
I couldn't answer any of those questions and I still can't. I still don't understand what was so much more important than me for you at that moment... 
Maybe your new wife? Maybe you started feeling for her now...? Maybe you did something with her that you wouldn't want to tell me about at all... 

All these thoughts had really troubled me. For the past few months, that's all that was going in my head and although I do want answers, I also know that it is dumb to think that when I knew that you love me...

Do you still love me though?

For months, I've been in this place and I met this pure and innocent child... It almost reminds me of my childhood. Back when I would happily play with Suha and be dragged into archery lessons by you...
I miss those days. And I miss you, so very dearly. 

I miss you. But that doesn't mean that I want you. 

I don't forgive you, Sohit. I will never forgive you for letting me come here but, somewhere, my heart also remembers all the time that we had spent together. That's the only reason I still have some hope. And when you sent Pranav here, my hope only increased. But should I have that hope? Or are you only doing this to manipulate me into thinking that you still love me...? 

I don't know what to think anymore. And I don't think I can fully trust you either. 

You had promised me Sohit... 

That you would take care of our baby no matter what. I don't know how you are going to fulfill your promise or if you even can at this point, but I just want to tell you that I'm really scared and alone here. 
The women here don't like me. And they're plotting something bad too. Against the dynasty. 
Besides, the lusty men that come into these walls send shivers down my spine. The sounds don't let me sleep all night long, or even the baby. 

Don't want to tell this to you but what can I even do? My heart still believes that you will come. It still believes that you will help me out of this situation. And why did you have to send that letter? 
Why increase my hope now? 

Please. Let me know if you are just planning to toy with my feelings again. I don't want to get hurt once again. Especially not by you. At least, let that little love that I have left for you in my heart be if you are just doing this to show that you are really a great man and not someone who couldn't even save the one person who was the most important person in his entire life... 

Was I even the most important person in your life? Or was it all a lie...? 

Don't send me another letter if you are just going to break my heart in the end. I don't want your pity... 

Yours truly,
Pari. 

Didn't know what to do at that moment apart from just throwing it away and breaking out crying. 

It was wrong. So wrong of him to cry. He was a man. A strong man who couldn't show anyone his emotions. He needed to man up in the situation and deal with it. Didn't matter if he hit someone to remove his frustration. But he shouldn't have cried that day. It didn't seem right. 

But what could he even do other than cry? Hit innocent people just to vent out? He wasn't man enough to do any of that. 

So, he broke down in tears. Oh, how that one mistake of his, of not being able to see her before she left had made that huge of a crack in their relationship. 
Had thought that after he sent the letter, she'd write to him, telling him to come to get her at that very moment. But what he read was completely opposite to what he had expected to receive. At least Pranav wasn't in that room at that moment... That was the only good thing that happened according to his brain. That no one saw him cry. 

Maids did see the entire room in a mess the very next morning though. And everyone noticed the soreness in his heart and eyes. He was angry. Mad at himself. Also, he didn't know how to respond because he didn't know if she could believe him anymore or not. If she couldn't believe that he only wanted good for her when he sent that letter, he no more knew what could make her believe in him. 

Nor could he share his burden with anyone...

Everything happening in his heart, he couldn't let anyone else know. So, he had to keep it all to himself and that was harder. 

But, he managed. 

Somehow, managed to be able to keep it all a secret and go ahead with his royal duties because he wouldn't really have been a prince if he could find a person he truly could confide in. Right?...