The Untold Truth ✓

Chapter Seven | Glanville Fritillary

A L E X A N D R A | N I C O L A I D E S

Ares sat on the floor whilst I peed on the stick, he continued to read the box over and over again.

Before the family left, me and Ares did nothing but disagree with Aunt Coraline. This was not a small assumption to make, it meant a lot for us to have children and after my two miscarriages, I knew we would never be able to conceive again.

I set it onto the counter and clean myself off.

Standing up, I wash my hands as we leave the pregnancy stick to the side, I push the toilet seat down. Silence roamed around the room; we were both in different head spaces.

I slide of the seat and settle down onto the floor next to Ares, he throws a gentle arm around my shoulders and allows my head to fall on his chest.

We both sat in silence for the remaining minutes.

Two minutes felt like hours in the stress we were under.

"We shouldn't-I can't-" I had no words to break the silence with, the only thing going through my mind was the opportunity of having yet another miscarriage.

And if I do, then I don't think I am mentally prepared for the damage it would cause me. Losing two children was enough for me, I barely made it out of the second.

Every time I look down at my hands, all I see is there blood printed onto the creases of my palm.

"We're only hurting ourselves by doing this." I whisper the truth.

"I know, but it might be a chance, Alex."

"But what if I lose it? I'm weak-"

"Don't speak like that-"

"Ares, what if I'm not pregnant?"

"Or what if you are?"

"Then what? I have to expect a miscarriage every day. I can't do that-I-I'm not strong enough..."

The timer on his phone goes off, and suddenly all the nervous energy hogs me. Nervous or worried feelings exist to safeguard you, but all they truly want you to do is check for traffic before crossing the street.

It's a safeguard, like traffic lights that turn green after you've done your homework.

When I'm ready to undertake anything huge, I get worried or anxious, and these emotions have become markers for me to find my bravery, to move forward, to tell myself that I am worthy of success and that by doing so, I may bring kindness to others.

We both scramble to our feet and look into one another's eyes. The green was the envelope of my soul and all the letters on the page, it gave me nothing but hope and significance. He reaches out for the stick, "Ares don't pick it up from there-I peed on that-"

The way he paused is enough for me to know, I take the stick from him and see the lines- lines that is about to damage me more than ever. "I'm not pregnant." I whisper out.

I secretly knew that I am not pregnant, mostly because I know I would never be able to have children anymore. Tears threaten to leave my eyes as I throw the stick into the bin, "I'm going to bed." Were the last words I said before sliding underneath the covers of the bed, staring out the city lights.

I had no idea life would be this difficult for me. I just want a baby girl or boy to fill me up. And I know Ares wants a child, and I'm just standing in his way. He desires a family, a girl or a boy, and I am unable to provide either. I felt as if I were just- there.

I feel him behind me, his chest snuggled against my back ever so gently. His arms wrapped around my waist, "I-I'm sorry." I hear him whisper, my brows conjoin.