Between Us

Chapter 43

"Thanks," I said to Jordan, grabbing Milo and Turd's leash. I was walking the dogs once again that day.

"Wait," he stopped me. He closed his front door and put on his black cap. "Mind if I come with you?"

Saying no would be rude, and it wasn't as if I really had a choice in the matter since he was standing beside me anyway. So I forced a smile and nodded. I thought back to all the times I'd wanted this. Dreamt of it, even, if I was admitting the truth. Even if I started off not intending to do anything about my measly crush on Jordan, a part of me was glad I never did.

And now I was caught up in something much more complicated. Was it worth it? I don't know. Maybe I should have never gone to Caden for help and let myself yearn for Jordan from far away. That way, no hearts would have been broken. No hearts would have fallen to be broken.

I didn't want to talk about crushes or boys with Jordan. No, there was something else itching at me that I thought would be best explained from Jordan himself.

"Why has Paris been acting super weird?" I asked.

"So you've noticed," he said with a heavy sigh as if he's been carrying around the weight of a burden. "She'd been trying to find out about her biological parents for a long time. When she did... long story short, things got messy and they didn't want anything to do with her. At least, that's what I think." She found out? Did she visit them? The trip I remembered Caden mentioning she had gone on, was that why? I didn't ask.

"Is she okay now?"

"I'm giving her space. I think that's what she needs to come to terms with everything herself." There was another bout of silence that reigned between us. "I wanted to talk to you about something else. I've been feeling guilty about it for a long time." I could only give him a questioning look. Jordan brought the cap down lower onto his face, as if he was ashamed. "I knew you liked me."

My breath hitched at his whisper. What? I thought, panic clawing at me. "You...knew?" And he pretended like he didn't?

"I knew, and I faked a crush on Sai. Instead of telling you that I wasn't interested in you." These words should have hurt. Well, it did, but it should have hurt more. It shouldn't have just been a little twinge in my chest. It should be a whole jab. "I didn't know how to tell you. You were Paris' friend and hurting you would mean facing her wrath. I—I don't know. I just thought it was a silly crush and faking interest in another girl was the best way to let you down easy. Then you started ignoring me, and then we stopped talking altogether."

And he felt guilty about it. Is that why he spent so much effort trying to talk to me? Why else would a guy that rejected a girl keep coming back to speak to them?

"It's okay," I said, even though it wasn't. There was helpless rage brewing inside of me, but what could I do? Yell at him for—

"When Caden found out, he was pretty irritated with me."

"He found out?"

"Pretty early on, yeah."

That's when it hit me. Caden's multiple questions at the start about if I was sure I didn't want to back out and that I should give up. He knew. He was trying to save me heartbreak by warning me—in his own way—and I never picked up on it. Back then, we weren't even close so he probably didn't care as much to force me into giving up.

But still.

"Why didn't he tell me?" I couldn't help but ask. I felt betrayed.

"I literally begged him not to. I didn't want you to hate me." He scratched the back of his neck, ears turning a little red. "It was an asshole move. I should have told you the truth before."

I wanted to shove him into the nearby bushes. I wanted to chuck the leashes on the floor and storm back the way we came. The truth was, though, he could have kept lying. He could have kept it hidden and I would have never found out, but he chose to tell me the truth. And the truth was all I'd been wanting nowadays.

So, I couldn't help but offer him a light-hearted shrug. I would never see Jordan in the same light, in the admiration I used to, but that was okay. "How're things with you and Caden?" he went and asked.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I groaned. "There is no me and Caden." Even if a part of me desperately wanted there to be.

"Didn't you two go on that date? You know, when me and Paris were around?"

The day I had completely 'transformed'? I mean, I still mixed and matched some of the tops and bottoms, but really, it was a lot of effort looking confident and being confident. I had a lot of respect for the girls that did that every day.

"It wasn't really a date," I said, awkwardly. How was I supposed to tell him that it was an act to make him jealous? Which also happened to fail miserably.

He chuckled, despite the situation. Then he caught the look on my face. "Sorry, but it's hard to believe. You're always doing things together. Like that one time, I caught you guys drinking bubble tea and singing songs out on his porch. And I don't even think he likes bubble tea." Well, then. "I don't know him as well as Paris, obviously, but you're the only girl I've seen him spend so much time with. Like, proper time with." Clearly, he hadn't seen Leilani or Trixie around. "If you're mad at him, maybe you should talk to him."

"That makes no sense. If I'm mad, the best solution is to not talk to him."

"That's your choice. But it might help clear your mind. I know talking has helped me." He grinned. He wasn't wrong. Should I speak to him?

To speak or not to speak.

This was a real dilemma.