Butterfly

One

Ivy's POV

I didn't get a wink of sleep, stressed out about my exam today and all in a rush I managed to get ready on time. I had a five minute shower and threw on a black dress, my black jacket and my boots.

"mum will Clive pick me up?" she nods as she brings me my lunch.

I sip on my tea when I see Clive out in the driveway.
"bye mum , love you" she kisses my cheek.

"bye, love you and best of luck for your exam"

I rush to the car and get in

"you look tired" Clive tells me.

"i am, can we hurry you we are already late"

Clive is our neighbor, my family and his are practically like family. He takes me to school sometimes and other times I walk or dad takes me

He is like my grandfather, I talk to him about almost every single thing that happens in my life. He is my unpaid therapist.

We reach school and I rush out

"bye Clive"

"best of luck girlie"

I smile and walk in. I see my friends Dayna and Eliza standing at their lockers. I walk up to them and take out my books

"hey guys, are you guys ready?"

"I am scared" Eliza tells me holding her maths book

"I am okay, I think I did learn so eh" Dayna tells us

Eliza and I were a bit smart but also very dumb, Dayna was the total opposite of the both of us she would score 98 out of 100 and still not feel it was good enough.

We all have been best friends for two years but I have known Eliza longer, she and I have been friends since grade five. Both my friends aren't like me, I was fat whereas Dayna was thin, she had the body of a model and Eliza had a thick-thin body.

She had huge boobs and a waist to die for. I am the, as I like too say the D.U. F. F of the group.

I loved my friends but they were just so perfect when compared to me. I know that this sound so cringe and the fact that a fat girl had thin and pretty friends is like the oldest thing ever but yeah that is my life.

My friends are amazing but I envy how perfect they are. I am just a blob of fat who sometimes looks nice.

The bell sounds and we walk to maths class when Eliza's boyfriend walks up to us

"morning guys"

"morning" Dayna and I greet in unison. She and I link hands and walk to class leaving them to talk. We get our seats and Eliza soon joins us.

"best of luck guys" we all say at once as Mrs Smith passes out the paper and we all begin.

45 minutes later

We all hand in our exam papers. I let out a breath praying I did well. The period had ended just in time as I needed to pee really bad. I rushed pass Dayna and Eliza in a hurry to get to the toilet.

As i walk I see my crush, the boy I admire so darn much, Chris. He never looks at me and I know why but I always push away my thoughts.

I go to the toilet and pee so much. I really had to much of tea while in a rush. I switch on the tap and as I wash my hands I look in the mirror and I see a mess. I looked like shit.

No wonder he looked away earlier. My insecurities surfacing. I needed to cut I needed to bleed.

I rush back into the stalls and dig in my bag for my sharpener blade. I pick up my dress and see the marks that decorate my thighs.

I can't help it. Only if I cut will my pain, tears and insecurities go away. I make cuts till it's a whole pattern of lines in all directions. My thighs now decorated with lines of blood. I wipe it all up and put my blade away.

I walk out feeling the pain that soothes me and helps me. I wipe my tears away. My chubby face looking more fat as my eyes are red and puffy from crying.

I walk out and go back to class. We had English, the only period of the week I could actually enjoy. I loved English mainly because of Mr Khan. He was a really nice teacher and for some reason his classroom was just comfortable.

We did some notes on the play Macbeth and soon the bell rang for lunch.

"what did you guys bring?" Eliza asks us

"chicken and mayo" Dayna tells her

"yummy"

My friends eat their food and I just sit there.

"what's wrong Ivy?"

"my insecurities"

"girl I can't tell you enough how perfect you are."

"I can't belive you."

"Ivy please, you cannot think this baby, you are beyond perfect and you need to know that"

"then why won't Chris even look at me?! , he acts as if I am dirt. Every class we have with him do you see how he looks at me. It's with disgust" tears prick out of my eyes but I wipe it away when I see Eliza's boyfriend, Tyriq and his friends walk towards us. Chris was one of Tyriq's friends.

I sat there as everyone spoke. My friends asking me if I am okay in between. As I sit on the stairs I didn't realize that my thighs where showing. I see Chris looking at the marks. I quickly cover my thighs feeling sick and vulnerable.

"guys I think I am gonna go home. I don't feel to well." I tell them and walk away before any of them could stop me.

My school was strictly against bunking school but I couldn't stand being in school. I crawled through the hole in the fence and walked home. My mum was home as she doesn't work so i knew she would question me.

I open the gates and walk into the house

"Ivy what are you doing home?"

"I didn't feel well. I think I didn't get enough sleep last night"

"oh okay. You do know this bunking thing could get you into trouble"

"yeah, I will deal with it when I have energy"

I walk to my room and close the door. I lay on the bed and stare and the ceiling.

"why couldn't I be thin and pretty?"

I slept through the afternoon and when I woke up it was already midnight. Everyone was already asleep but my stomach was hungry.

I put on my pink sweat pants and a crop top feeling confident in it. Sometimes I can look really sexy but only when no one can see.

I walk to the kitchen and switch the light on. I heat up the pasta mum had made and make myself a cup of coffee.

I clean up what ever mess I made and took the food to my room. I switch on my blue light and watch Harley Quinn till I was done.

Sleep didn't even cross my mind. My body was finally relaxed but the pain on my thighs still reminding me I was okay... For Now.

I lay in bed watching tiktoks when there was a video with the song fat funny friend.

I downloaded it instantly. As I listen to it tears prick at my eyes. The pain I felt becoming to much and I felt as if I wanted to cut of parts of my body.

A ugly sight to people besides the ones who truly love me. I cannot let all this drag me down. Yet it still does, I have to overcome it but how?

I wanted to scream and the tears stream down my face. I bite back my scream. I fling my phone not wanting to think anymore.

I hate myself. So fucking much.

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