I Wish [ManxMan]🦂

STEVE~4

I look at him. Something I can't stop myself from doing, no matter how hard I try. He pulls me in and makes me want to stay there. Hidden deep inside his soul.

I want to stay there.

But I can't.

I can give him this though. What he wants. I can give him everything he wants, that of which I am capable of giving.

I take his hands and kiss them. Slowly. Caressing his knuckles.

"Tell me what you see," he says again. With that seductive voice of his. He has been seducing me with everything he has. I think he doesn't even know he is doing that.

It just comes out of him. And just like that I am done for.

10 years of no real genuine connection, and he comes along and changes everything.

Our connection is electric.

Thrilling

Undeniably good

But 

I 

Cant.

My demons will swallow him whole and he will break ten times than he ever did before.

"I see a boy. No, I see a man. Sweet. Caring. Loving. Searching. Longing. I see a man trying so hard to hold onto something that has already left, but he also wants to try something new which will leave him empty.
Broken like a shell. But I admire him. I am fascinated by him. I think I like him. I like his simplicity in life and in love. I see you, drayton. Just. You."

I tell him from my heart. Or maybe I tell myself. Remind myself.

Once upon a time, a boy like him brought me to my knees, literally and I spent 10 years regretting him. Regretting me. Regretting life. 

Now I can't help but see the resemblance. And its like a ticking bomb in my heart. 

"And I see you. Steve'' Dray whispers. Taking me away from my thoughts.

His words follow with a kiss. Gentle. Light on my lips. His hands come behind my neck, his legs around my waist and like a drunk man, I follow.

I kiss him back. This time my emotions take over. I lift him up and he holds on to me like a life support.

I carry him and we walk back to his room that is exactly like mine. He is light, or maybe I'm just strong.

 I dont put him on his bed, I walk him to his window, the place he seems to like among everything else in this place. 

All this time we are kissing like there is no tomorrow. Maybe there isn't. Maybe this is my last and only human connection I will have.

 Maybe

But I have learnt my lesson.

I break the kiss and kiss his forehead. Then between his eyes. Then I make a promise I will never keep. 
"Yes I will make you scream my name and you will. But I will take my time with you. I want to take my time with you."

***

I’ve ordered food, left it to simmer for him. I’m planning this day in my head, what will happen then? To him? To us? He comes out of the bathroom, props himself against the range with one hand, lifts the lid. Sniffs.

“It’s been ready to eat for hours,” I say, rising. “Let me get you some.”

He waves me off. “Nah, nah. I’ll do it.”

I sit back down, and he ladles himself a slice of pizza. Brings it to his mouth. Eats in silence. Something is off.

“Dray, are you okay? I’m worried about you.”