I Wish [ManxMan]🦂

DRAY ~13

I blink. Sunlight. A face

Huh!

“Drayton.”

…

“Dray.”

…

I try to sit up straight. I am on the ground. My eyes wet. My heart racing. 

I look at myself. I am okay. But why does it feel like I am not?

I wipe my face, trying to scrub the tears off. 

This town. These people.

I am tempted to have a drink before saying a word to Steve. Slam vodka till I am, dizzy rather than face what I am feeling.

Instead of holding Steve. Of taking the pain away. I find myself standing up, looking around without knowing what I am looking for. But I found it. Somehow, I find what I am looking for.

I see Steve, as a young man, running around with his brother Carter, on this front porch. These beautiful gardens. I see their mother losing her mind as to why they are destroying her flowers but these boys charm their way out of it, hug her and it is all over.

 I see Steve at 25, young but handsome. His smile is everything. A boy with a full future ahead of him. 

I see him on the swing, trying to make his baby sister, Natalia happy, by keeping his promise of playing with her. 

I see a father who is proud of his son. He raised a good one and he is proud of himself. 

 I smell bacon and hear Kenny Rogers playing on the radio sitting on the worktable. Steve's father 's favorite place.

I see Steve helping a neighbor. He runs to carry the log Mr. Berry, the police officer was carrying. He thanks him with a smile and pats his back. What a young man.

I see him again. in the dark. In his room. Thinking. Confused. Wondering why he is attracted to boys and not girls. I see him looking at the mirror, comparing himself. Blaming himself. 

Then I hear him chuckle as he touches his lips. A smile on his face. Blushing. He just kissed a boy. Oh man! Isn’t it wonderful?

I see him defeated. Sad. Lonely. He doesn’t look at anyone. Just look down and hope everything is just a nightmare. 

I see him, naked. Being dragged from that house in shame. I get furious, but I see it vividly. I see all these people that he was nice to, betray him in one second. Like he never existed in their minds. Pointing fingers at him like he was some kind of a criminal.

I see Weston. Destroying a young man's life just to save himself. 

But among everyone, I see her. Natalia. Preparing for the trial. Practicing in her mind, and saying the words like they were true.

All these people betrayed a young man for the sake of their town. All these people hurt someone for the sake of someone other future.

All these people including…me

I am no different. How can I be? I loved Weston. Befriend Natalia. I played a part in this twisted game.

“Drayton.”

“huh!”

I turn to look at Steve. Worry in his eyes. He is standing beside me. Holding my hand. I see myself falling for this man. This angel.

And yet, I see myself breaking him. Hurt him. 

With my past. With my presence.

Why did he save me? Why did he come to my rescue?

“Dray, you are scaring me.” He says.

How can he stand still? Like nothing has happened. How can he be so sane while I am losing my mind? “Why are you back here?” I find my voice.

He looks taken aback. Then nods his head. “ This is my home.” He says.

“No. Let me take you away. Please.” I plead. I am trying to make sense of it all. “Come with me. Let's get out of this town and never come back. It was your dream anyway. Yes, let's go to New York. We will--,”

“dray-“

“We can have a small apartment. I will do part time jobs while you take your time. And when—“

“drayt-“

“oh, you can get a part time job too. Just not the one that will take most of your time. I will be sure to come home early--,”

“baby.”

“NO. PLEASE NO. just…just come with me. Just…please.” I cry. I sob. I look everywhere but at him.

This time he doesn’t say anything.  We just stay there in silence as I cry my heart out.

“It's not fair.” I whisper.

He is silent. But he is there. Beside me. Watching me. And for the first time. I feel like I have stopped his world from spinning. Take his pain away. But now, that pain is killing me. Destroying me.

I have cried many times since I came to this town, more than I have cried all my life.

I rest my head on his shoulder. Praying I don't hate these people. Praying he doesn’t either.

“Tell me, why are you really here?” I ask again.

He takes a deep breath. “honestly?”

“yes.”

“because this is my home. Because I have lost ten years of my life away, and now, I just want to be home. To see my parents get old. My brother get married. And…my little sister gets what her heart desires.”

“What about you?” I ask

“What about me?”

“what do you desire?”

He smiles. Now I know it's genuine. I see it. “I just want to make the people I love happy. And later, I want to find love too. Settle down. Build a small house and live there. Get old. Have a family and pray that no one else gets to go through what I went through.”

The silence that followed was long. I couldn’t think. Many thoughts playing on my mind. “That's good.” I end up saying.

“dray.”

“yes.”

“Will you stay? With me I mean.”

“yes.” I answer. I don’t think. I don’t analize. I know I want to stay with him. For him. I feel like my heart is playing tricks on me.

Because I knew already. When his eyes met mine, my soul chose him. It pointed at him and whispered to my heart,  

Him…

And here he is. With his wounds. His vulnerability. His pure soul. But above all, with a heart so big, so wild. Loving so fiercely.