I Wish [ManxMan]🦂

DRAY~5

Did you go behind my back and screw me over? How dare you? Do you even know who that is?  Don’t even think about creeping Drayton or I will…

I hit the delete button on my phone before any of the messages could play. It’s the same thing. A repeat. His threats if I don’t know show up. His threat of the new man he doesn't even know but wants to start saying shit about him

Why can't he say something nice? At least start with the words like I am sorry Drayton. Please forgive dray. I just don’t want to lose you. We can make this work Dray just don’t leave me. 

But instead, someone else says them. Someone I wish was mine and I, his. 

The difference between them is big. Weston is a selfish bastard while Steve is, well he is kind and generous. And good and sweet. He doesn’t push me. He lets me cry, lets me vent. Let me…kiss him. He lets me talk about everything and anything even if some are just wishes.

With him I have let it out. Now I feel like I am ready to love. To love him. To be everything and more to him. But that won't happen anytime soon. He seems to have his demons, his fears. His vengeance.

My heart burst As I  think about it. What is he hiding? And more importantly do I want to know? 

I sit on my bed and think about him. About Steve, and I all I see is a good man. I see a man afraid to face the only world he has ever known and now he doesn’t know it anymore. I see a man who doesn’t know where to begin or if to begin at all. But this man has  a lot to offer. 

Kindness, love. Forgiveness.

I see him in my bed, a new bed. Somewhere quiet. The sitting room is decorated with our silly pictures, the bedroom covered with his scent. I see him. He is looking at me like I own the world. He just doesn’t know that at this time, at that time, he owns mine. I see my future with him and how much I trust him.

I open my eyes and walk to the window. The site is beautiful. To die for. I can stay here. Not for Weston. Not anymore but for Steve. We can battle whatever is in front of us together and start our lives together. 

I can see us clearly walking down the ocean, barefoot. Our dog running ahead while I admire the man beside me. The man who changed everything by walking in my room one day,  shirtless and barefoot. 

Oh boy!

I throw myself back on bed. My mind is thinking. My heart is pleased. Not throbbing anymore. I hope so. I hope for him. For taking a risk.

I feel like I know him. I met him this morning. I want to know him and the morning after this. And the morning after that. I want him to be mine.

 The truth is, I came to this wedding hoping I will get the answers I have been searching for. The answers to why I kept letting Weston walk all over me.

All over my feelings.

We once loved each other. Or so I think now. He loved me with everything he got and I loved him back. But I guess he just loved what came out of loving me. Sex. Lust. Desire. How foolish was it?

 Looking back now, I didn’t feel this chills. This electricity I felt when I met Steve. With Weston, I felt  possesed.

I guess it comes with being young. I mean. It's all you can think of. You want people to desire you so much that you settle for anyone.

But how can you know?

Time passes as I lay there.. Thinking about everything. I can take out a loan, buy a house here and start over with Steve. He doesn’t have to be alone. I can be with him. I can do my blogs here even though it doesn’t bring so much money, but I will be happy with that.