I Wish [ManxMan]🦂

STEVE ~06

Thick. Breeze. Fresh, yet so suffocating. I dreamed of the day I would be out smelling the fresh air from my old town. How I will react, what I will say. Who I will say it to and what I might have done. But nothing prepared me for this. 

I don’t know what I expected. Me being at this wedding rehersal? Me coming back to this town or me bringing Weston ex in this as my date. But now, I don’t know what to do as I watch Dray fighting back the tears because of him.

No one told me it would be like this. Freeing yet terrifying. Exciting yet…so damn heartbreaking. Because before me stands the man I dreamt of hurting, of punishing him for so many years for what he did to me while at the same time, right before my eyes stands the man who is my solid ground. 

My rock.

 My inspiration. 

Drayton is my balance. My support. Even when he doesn’t know that. He keeps me steady. Calm.

I don’t know what I could have done at this moment if he weren’t right here. Even when he is crying for someone else. 

“ I'm okay,” he says. He shakes me off slowly and smiles. “ Trust me, it's not what you are thinking.”

“What do you think I am thinking?”

“I don’t know what goes in that handsome head of yours but,” he comes closer, kisses my cheeks then whispers,” I am truly fine. Trust me.” 

I nod as assurance. Maybe he is telling the truth. Or maybe not. But he is here and this is a lot to him too. 

“Thank you, that was great. Weston is so furious I can see fire coming out his ass.” Dray says. He laughs it out but I see him. I see beyond that fake smile. And the best part is he knows I see him.

Maybe he wants me to see him.

“I care about you, more than you think.” I say. “ the kiss? That wasn’t pretending. I wanted to kiss you. I think I found a  new addiction and that is kissing you.”
He looks at me like I am delusional. Maybe I am. 

“We just met.”

“and I made a promise.” He doesn’t know it yet. I made a promise four years ago. 

“and that’s honorable of you, but then again this isn’t real.”

“It can't be a real, Dray. I can't be real, especially not to you.”

“why not? I finally got a good man and he can't be mine. What a wish.”

“because you will get hurt.” Because I can tell you like me. Because I like these feelings when I am with you. Because you give me balance. Stability. Hope To start over. Hope to forgive and move on. "Because I am a man with a past…no, a man with such memories. Such an experience. And I am not confident enough to risk it all and for you to walk away."

“then try not to hurt me. Once is enough, don’t you think? “

“could you be with a man with such experience?”

“you mean could I love a man with a past like yours?” he gets closer. Our conversation is low. Heated. “Steve, you have been in prison for so long. Even though I don’t know why, I think it's enough. Get out of that prison you built for yourself now. Because yes I would. I would love you because you are sweet, caring, loving. You showed me love in the few hours we have stayed together than what my own person showed me in the years we dated. So once again Steve, stop trying to hurt me and go out with me. For real.”

For a moment, i want to say yes. I want this.

A weight climbs on my back almost taking me down with him. Jiggling and shouting my name. interrupting whatever mistake my stupid self wanted to make. “Hey old man.” He says. I take it back. That’s not my name.