football imagines

j. musiala

true love nowadays was something rather rare. a feeling deep down in your stomach, a mental connection between two souls that was based simply on emotions. it was something truly beautiful, watching someone fall in love. the hesitation that would come at first, longing gazes shared in secret as words kept unspoken. though, as time passed by and the courage grew the relationship blossomed.

you were one of the lucky people to experience it at a young age, finding the one person you wanted to grow old with. you had never believed in happy endings and the love stories shown in movies up until the day you had met jamal. he made you feel things you never thought you ever could. it wasn't that you were incapable of expressing or receiving love, but rather because you had never held such strong feelings for a person before. it was your first relationship ever and you didn't want to ruin it just because of your lack of experience. so you tried your hardest to be a perfect partner for him, because he deserved nothing but the best, though, that was what you struggled with.

while trying to be your best version you pushed yourself to limits that were unattainable. both physically and mentally. although, you knew it wasn't necessary and jamal did not care, if you were impeccable yet your mind told you differently all of the time. you didn't want to ruin the relationship simply because you weren't good enough and he could find somebody better. maybe it was your ego that was speaking and didn't let you forget about your flaws, but you didn't want to seem weak in front of him.

you knew flaws were normal. they made humans to what they were: humans. yet no matter how hard you tried to dig jamal seemed to be flawless. he was perfect in every way that you weren't. maybe it was your ego or maybe it was jealousy.

you were jealous of your own boyfriend, which was – yet again – another flaw. it was wrong to think like that, yet you couldn't stop yourself. jamal had worked hard to be where he was right now and continued to do so despite the status he already had. you despised the way you felt and how these emotions affected your relationship, though, the love you held for your boyfriend blinded you to see the obvious.

your relationship was toxic, yet neither one of the two of you wanted to admit this. it was a constant cycle of pushing the other away and crawling back to one another, whenever jamal or you couldn't endure the silence anymore.

the situation was tense, whenever it had exploded and the two of you fought – like last night. you couldn't really remember, what the reason for your argument was. it was something so minor that had still led to something so big that jamal had stormed off and stayed with a friend for the night.

sitting on the edge of your bed, your face was hidden in your hands as silent tears streamed down your cheeks. you knew better than letting your emotions take control over a situation, yet it still had happened last night. despite the anger that made your blood boil guilt immediately gnawed at your conscience once the door slammed shut behind jamal and still did up until this moment, almost an hour after he had come back.

you heard the clicking of keys unlocking the front door and your boyfriend stepping inside, though, decided to stay in the bedroom. although, you felt guilty and wanted to shower him with love you couldn't move. the fear of what could possibly happen once you stepped outside your bedroom made you hesitant. there were so many 'what ifs' that ran through your mind and each one of them seemed to end badly. yet you knew you had to get up eventually to sort things out. you needed to speak to him and apologize for your behavior, so you could – like you always did in these situation – sweep things under the rug. because if you couldn't see the shards your relationship caused you could still pretend that everything was fine. even though, it clearly wasn't.

your bedroom door creaked once you opened it half an hour later. the quiet sound of your feet thudding against the wooden floor of your hallway was the only noise that you could pick up. as you made your way over to your living room, where you had guessed jamal would be, you tried to think of the right things to say. deep down you knew there was no amount of words that could diminish the pain you had caused him. yet you pushed that thought to the back of your head. you didn't want to think about the possibility that this wouldn't work out and you would walk away from each other by the end of the day.