chapter eleven

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a/n: i wanted to publish this earlier but i got caught up researching publishing companies for it lol. highly doubt it'll get published but i want to try. thanks for reading <3

SLOWLY, I BRUSHED all the knots out of my hair, allowing it to be its full curly self once more

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SLOWLY, I BRUSHED all the knots out of my hair, allowing it to be its full curly self once more. The shower I just finished felt really good considering it's been a few days since my last one. There had been no point in me getting out of bed, not since I got banned from work anyway.

My art was a huge piece of who I am and for Gustavo to say that it was "just a notebook " and to "get over it" really angered me. I was surprised Kendall caught me in time as I lunged for him.

A big sigh left my lips as I curled my shoulders back, trying to ease the tension that built up from lying down. I sat up a few times to take a few bites of food to keep myself from dying and to drink some water, but that was it. I didn't really even have to use the bathroom until this morning which prompted me to take a shower.

No one was home and for that I was thankful. The boys left me alone after Carlos came to talk to me. Mom and Katie tried the hardest but I just needed to be left alone. And Luke, oh God, Luke. He was such a saint with his text messages of wishing that I was well and that to message him back whenever I'm up to it.

It was that message that almost broke me more. He was worried out of his mind, yet so patient with him.

And he sent me a stuffed penguin.

I knew it was his favorite animal, but he sent me one with a little note that said; penguins cheer me up when i'm feeling down, hopefully they can help you too.

If I said I haven't been cuddling that then I'd be a liar. The stuffed animal hasn't left my side since Lucy delivered it with a pink hydrangea that is currently being pressed in an old textbook of mine. I was going to keep that forever.

"Holy crap. She lives!" Logan joked when I walked out of my room finally. I wanted to turn around but Carlos and Kendall slapped him on the back of the head. It oddly made me feel comfortable enough to stay.

Mom put a grilled cheese in front of me and I couldn't help but smile when I saw one side was burnt. I ate it with happiness, my stomach trying to reject it. I slowed my chewing in order to finish the sandwich.

"Here's your phone. I've been keeping it charged for you," Katie said before throwing her arms around me. I grabbed her arm and leaned into her, feeling terrible that she had to share a room with me like that. I'll need to do something special for her soon.

She gave me a squeeze before going into our room. I picked up my phone to see a lot of encouraging text messages from all the boys and my friends. It warmed my heart to see it and once again I hated that I made them worry. I just couldn't control it no matter how hard I tried.

ME, 10:31AM | i'm sorry i made you worry so much

LUKE, 10:31AM | no need to apologize. there's no point in pressuring you into talking. you needed time.

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