Evergreen

27

Songs: Too Afraid to Love You - The Black Keys, Come Over (Again) - Crawlers, Comatose - Sød Ven

She just sat there cross legged... like what happened on the banks of that river was just another day, another horror she didn't bat an eye to. She explained that the boilers were the mystery hunters following us on the way to the caves, they must have some how got lucky and tracked our direction all the way from the road. It made her uneasy and even more determined to set out for the cabin early tomorrow morning.

The hatred I have living inside of me for those monsters is nothing like I've ever felt before and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going through an emotional breakdown right now. But the morality of this new world has thrown me through loops I never even considered my life would lead through.

The action of taking a life whether it be animal or man should never be done lightly. My Pops always drilled a moral code into us as kids, when he took us out hunting he taught us how to take down a buck or bird with the aim of causing as little pain and suffering to the animal as possible. Even after death the body was to be treated with respect, sure you posed for a picture with the biggest buck antlers of the season. But you could be damn sure we used every piece of that animal and nothing went to waste. Ma made sure of that.

To take a human life is something you're never taught, it's something no one should ever have to do. But that was then and this is now, people aren't people anymore.

You're training your brain to break every rule it's ever learned. You saw it in movies and read it in books that the 'survival instinct' would kick in when you needed it most. But what if it never fully settled into you?

Pulling a trigger was easy to me I could shoot a squirrel with not a thought in my head, pretending a human was a deer was hard but doable. Cutting a human up or killing it with anything else than a quick bullet... that was the moment my instincts failed me. How had I froze up the very moment I had dreamed of happening?!

I don't know exactly how long Rebecca and I were prisoner with the boilers, after they murdered her I didn't want to live either.

Days turned into months, I grew long facial hair and collected scars from lashings. I had every reason to want to rip that mother fucker apart. But when it came to following through with that final blow I couldn't. He even taunted me, he it knew too. I just didn't have it in me.

How can you possibly survive this world without doing it?

She gave me glimpses of humanity every now and then, she had the ability to be kind, gentle even caring.

Her past slipped through the cracks when her guard was down.

But as soon as reality creeped in a wall went straight up and she was back to being miss bloodshed and war.

"I can hear you breathing from all the way over here."

"Well you could of solved that problem back there. Why didn't you run?"

In a scene you would day dream of she looked up from whatever weapon she was cleaning. She relaxed into a quilted covered nook in a tree, starlit and serene but instead of a romance novel perched between callous fingers she held stained blades that ended life not enriched it.

"And waste all that time I've kept you alive so far?"

I know she's trying to lighten the mood or at least get in my head. Before the boilers turned up I thought we had something. A moment that seemed too pure, like I could have had a glimpse at happiness again, guess I forgot what life was like now. She was death wrapped in a small boney package, seeing her fight and use her bow was hot. I'd be ignorant not to admit that, but witnessing up close how she took a life with no remorse left a bad taste in my mouth.