δεκα­έξι: Changing times

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"In that endless time, we are born in the same age

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"In that endless time, we are born in the same age. In that infinite space, to be able to meet and become one with you, that fate is really amazing and the miracle is really beautiful."


A couple months Later

Ever since we  found my uncle in the Gardens of Diomedes and something changed. At first I didn't noticed, due to the backlog of trials that were put on hold because of the situation. But now everything should be fine but it isn't, they shouldn't surely have this many trials? Right?

They have been busy, so busy all the time, I barely see them and when I do something doesn't feel the way it did before. More distracted. More distanced. Hidden whispers that will never be told. It all feels distant, almost unreal. And sometimes I wonder if I will ever get them back. I hope so, I really need them. The guilt is eating me alive and I miss them so much. So much so that sometimes when I am alone, I cry because I can't stop. Not only the tears though, it is also the pain I feel at the thoughts that flow through my mind of them.

That's when it happened a week ago. I followed them on one of their trips out of the castle to discover what they were up to. To a restaurant they when and the scene inside, having dinner with another women, shattered my dead heart into thousands of pieces. They seemed to be having a wonderful time. Talking about things I couldn't even begin to comprehend but I couldn't bring myself to care. The sight of them together shattered my world completely into little bits and pieces, like glass shards. It was unbearable. The worst part though, was that none of them seem to notice my presence. They are too wrapped up in themselves. But how could I tell them, they would think I was insane.  I was frozen.

...

Sitting here thinking. Everything was it a lie. Anything real or true. Did they become bored. Did I do something wrong? Was it because of my presence? They must hate me... No! They cannot hate me!  I have done nothing wrong, please they must love me!

But if they don't, what else am I supposed to believe?  Is this how people live? This is a cruel reality. Why can't anything stay simple? Why am I always left questioning myself? Why am I constantly wondering? Why can't I be content? A tear slid down my cheek. A tear that fell in silence and without a sound. No noise filled the room. No laughter. Nothing. It didn't stop. The tears wouldn't stop. And the grief began tearing through me with such a force. I was consumed by it.

They have been too busy to notice my distress to realise it had been building for what felt like forever. Until all of a sudden, everything came crashing down. It was like watching a house collapse in front of your eyes, you don't know which floor it's going to land on but every single second feels like it lasts for hours and minutes. Every moment felt as slow as a ticking clock, a ticking clock that has stopped.

In that moment and that moment alone I knew I refuse to believe that this is reality at there holds any truth to what I saw. In a tick of the clock I made a decision to leave for a while.


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