eclipsed nova (UTM Feysand)

32

Rhysand awoke from a nightmare gasping for air. I blinked into the darkness as I watched him grip at his chest, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to center his breathing. He looked like he was in physical pain. He'd cut off his screams immediately like he'd scared himself awake and had tried to keep from disturbing me.

I reached my hand out to touch his bare back, but the second my skin made contact with his, he hissed like he'd been burned and jumped up and crossed the room, holding his face in his hands as he paced.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Just-... Just give me a second," he panted, sounding like he was choking on his own words. I watched him helplessly, having no clue what he was going through or how to help.

"Rhys," I said reproachfully, and he placed his hands behind his head like he was trying to open his lungs to allow for more air flow.

"I'm okay," he said. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth as he continued to pace back and forth at the end of the bed.

"Did you have another nightmare?"

He nodded.

"Was it her?"

He nodded again, still trying to slow his breathing.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head.

I chewed the inside of my cheeks as I watched him. My heart broke a million times over knowing this was a pain that would never go away for him. He would be dealing with this trauma for the rest of his life, and I couldn't take that away for him. All I could do is hold his hand through it all.

"How can I help?"

"I'm fine," he insisted. He froze for a moment before he bolted for the bathroom. I heard him retching but knew he would want his space.

 It was only when I heard the sounds of his sobs that I tiptoed to the bathroom door, seeing him sitting on the floor with his knees to his chest and his head in his hands as he hiccupped through cries.

"Baby? Will you please come sit with me?" I asked him after a while, and he nodded, having tired himself out at that point. I held his hand as I led him back to the bed. He sat down next to me, staring at the floor with a blank expression.

"Even dead, she finds ways to torment me," he said quietly, and I felt like he'd ripped my heart from my chest. Tears welled in my eyes, and I did everything in my power to keep them from falling.

"I'm so sorry," I tell him, knowing it means nothing and makes no difference.

"She's always there when I close my eyes," he confessed. "Reminding me that my body will always be hers and that there was nothing left of me for anyone else because she'd already taken it all from me."