Buried Ashes (MxM)

6-Pregnant

Benjamin

I groaned as a sharp pain in my stomach woke me from my sleep. I looked over to Jackson who was sleeping peacefully. Normally, I would admire my mate, but overwhelming nausea suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. I hopped off the bed with my hands on my mouth and ran to the bathroom.

Once inside, I pushed the door behind me; which didn't fully close in my hurry. I kneeled before the toilet and emptied the contents of my stomach into it. My retching must have woken Jackson, as his large hands were soon rubbing my back in soothing motions while he kneeled beside me. 

I leaned back and sighed deeply, feeling depleted of my energy. A few more heaves crept their way out, but nothing else came up.

"You okay, baby?" Jackson asked, his voice husky from sleep. I nodded and flushed the toilet. I moved to the sink and quickly brushed my teeth. Jackson regularly slept without a shirt on, and I occasionally did. This was one of those nights. 

I stared at myself in the large mirror, palms resting on either side of the sink. Jackson stood behind me, gently rubbing my back as he watched me with concern written on his face.

My reflection wasn't pretty. I had dark circles under my eyes, my hair was wild and disheveled, and my skin almost had a grey tint to it. I was naturally fair skinned, but I was looking particularly pale after tonight's events.

My eyes travelled down, to my shirtless body. My scars were visible all across my body from the horrors I was subjected to all those years ago. They no longer bothered me, though. What did bother me was my stomach. I turned sideways and looked skeptically at the shape of my body. It was just barely noticeable. Anyone but myself wouldn't notice. But my stomach bulged just slightly; causing my waist to be two, maybe three inches bigger. I narrowed my eyes at the sight.

Behind me, Jackson's eyes followed my gaze in the reflection. He said nothing. I turned around and looked up at him with a harsh expression.

"You can smell it on me, can't you?" I said with an accusing tone. He looked away, yet remained silent. That was the only confirmation I needed. I sank to my knees and held my face in my hands.

"No, no, no, no. I can't, Jackson," I mumbled through my tears as he knelt beside me and wrapped me in his strong arms. 

"I can't lose another one, Jackson. I can't, I just can't," I sobbed into his chest.

"Shhh, I know. I know, baby," he whispered as he held my shaking body.

Eventually, I don't know when, I cried myself to sleep in Jackson's arms, and he carried me back to bed. I opened my eyes to find the other side of our bed empty. Bright sunlight crept through the curtains on our bedroom windows. I groaned and covered my face with the duvet.

Soon, the bed dipped beside me as a large hand caressed my arm through the blanket.  I didn't bother moving.

Finding out I was pregnant was only finding out that I would soon lose one more of Jackson's children because I was too weak to keep them alive. It hurt. Oh, it hurt. But it was inevitable. I came to this conclusion after my third miscarriage.

"I brought you breakfast in bed," Jackson told me. I didn't have anything to say in response. "Please don't be mad at me, but.. I called Doctor Green." This was enough to get a reaction from me as I threw the duvet off my head, sat up, and looked at him with widened eyes.

"I know, I know. I should've talked with you first, and I'm sorry. He seemed somewhat hopeful, though. He told me of some ideas he has to help." I narrowed my eyes at him for several moments before responding.

"Jackson, don't do this." His eyebrows creased. "Don't give me hope."

"Baby, I know it's hard. I know. And I can't even fathom how difficult it is for you. All I can do is support you the best I know how. If you want to say no, you can do that. This is all up to you. It's your choice. I just..." he placed his hand on my stomach before continuing, "I feel like we owe it to them to try everything we can."

A tear slipped from my eye as his words hit me. He's right. We do owe it to this unborn baby to try everything we can to get them here. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him before nodding against his chest.

"Joseph wants to come see you as soon as he can. Is that okay?" 

"Yeah," I responded with a sigh. 

Even if it hurt. Even if it tore me to pieces in the end, I would try give this little one the best environment I can while I have them.