Buried Ashes (MxM)

26-Stay

A/N I guess you could say this part of the book is sort of act 2? We have Mason's issues sorted, and now things will be more focused on Jackson, Ben, and Liam. I considered making it another book, but I'm not sure. Opinions are welcome. :D

Sorry for the short chapter.

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TW: Suicidal thoughts

Liam

The pack had gathered on a nearby coast to honor Luca. Gently, I laid his body upon the funeral pyre. A platform of logs built by my own hands.

His skin was pale; grey, almost. A light scarf wrapped around his neck to conceal his fatal injury. This was mostly for Amelia's sake. She needed to see Luca like this, to help accept that he was gone. But I didn't think it necessary for her to see the gory details. She was just too young for that.

Leaning down, I placed a gentle kiss to my dead lover's frigid lips. I caressed his jaw, getting one last look at his breathtaking features. Griffin stood behind me, with Amelia in his arms. I stepped aside for my children to say their final goodbyes. 

Griffin, stoic as ever, stepped forward and stared at Luca's body with a pained expression. Amelia leaned her head on his chest while she looked down at Luca. I had tried to explain it to her, but time was likely the only thing that would help her grasp the idea completely. Perhaps she thought her Umma was only sleeping. She had to know something was different; with the combination of my previous conversation with her and Luca's appearance being drained of any signs of life.

Griffin reached a trembling hand forward, and gently caressed Luca's hand. A small tear barely escaped his eye before he quickly wiped it away, and walked back to his mates with his sister still in his grasp.

I grabbed the lit torch from a nearby post and made my way to the pyre. Slowly, I laid the torch down next to my mate. The flames began to spread, catching on the wood and his clothes. I stepped back, toward Ben and Jackson.

Max slept soundly against Ben's back as he was securely wrapped in a large cloth that was tied to Ben's frame. Jackson stood next to Ben, with an arm around the latter. Ben's eyes shone with tears that reflected the flames as he clung to Jackson. I stood beside Jackson, and watched the fire consume my lover.

I made no move to stand closer to Jackson and Ben, as we were the only ones aware of our new bond. I had not told my children. I felt it was too soon. 

It was too soon.

I was overwhelmed as I watched the flames, yet could not pull my eyes away.

It should have been me, not him. He did nothing to deserve this. Our children would be better off with Luca as their surviving parent; not me.

I wasn't fast enough to protect him. My instincts failed me. Failed him.

I failed him.

I wanted nothing more than to be with him again. To hear his joyful laugh, the slight rasp of his voice. To feel his soft hair between my fingers. The hair that he rarely allowed to be anything but golden. I needed him. I can't do this without him.

I should be burning too.

The flames should be consuming my body.

I hadn't realized my feet began to move forward until Jackson caught my by the arm.

"Stop." he whispered. Did he know my thoughts? "Look at your children," his voice mumbled, quiet enough to reach my ears only. Though he had demanded it, I couldn't tear my eyes away. 

I couldn't sever the pull I felt toward Luca.

My Luca.

"Liam. Look at your children," Jackson whispered once more, pulling me out of my thoughts. Slowly, painfully, I pulled my gaze toward Griffin and Amelia. Griffin's arms were wrapped tightly around his baby sister as he stared at the flames. The tears poured freely down his face now, yet his expression remained emotionless. Something inside me panged with hurt when I saw his face now. He looked just like Luca. Elle and Rowan stood on either side of him, holding him in their embrace.

Amelia relaxed in her brother's arms, seemingly oblivious to the world around her. She was so young, so innocent, so fragile.

"They need you," Jackson told me quietly.

I couldn't leave them. Not now. They had just lost one parent; I couldn't force them to experience the loss of another. 

Jackson was right. They did need me. They needed their father. I couldn't fill Luca's shoes, but I would do my best; and I had to stay in order to do that.