Buried Ashes (MxM)

11-Panic Attack

Jackson

Our house was abuzz with organized chaos today. Ben was now three months into his pregnancy, which is longer than he has made it with any other pregnancy before. Needless to say, we were excited. We decided the many empty, abandoned rooms in our home needed to be tackled. Old furniture needed to be discarded, guest rooms needed to be refreshed, and the nursery needed to be started. Things would be different with a child.

Liam and I had rounded up some men who worked with us regularly. Whether it be border patrol, guarding assigned places, or assisting us with any of our other duties. These men were part of the few in our pack that didn't see me as an unapproachable, murderous monster. They were happy to help, and I was grateful for that.

Luca had stayed home with Amelia while Liam came, and Beth was working at the orphanage. Mason and his little mate volunteered to help, though. I had met Aiden a few weeks ago. I was so happy to see Mason had found his mate. I cared for him in a deep way that he would likely never understand; as he wouldn't know our biological relation. Ben, Beth, and I all cared for him in this way.

Aiden was an adorable little wolf, and he somewhat reminded me of Ben when he was younger. Just his gentle disposition, and kind words gave off the same vibe as Ben. My mate had told me ahead of time that Aiden was deaf, and scolded me for the potential of pointing it out; though I would never. Ben just wanted to be sure I didn't offend him or Mason. I wouldn't point out his differences, because that's not what mattered. Him being my son's mate is what mattered.

I walked down a long corridor on the second level of my home, not far from our bedroom. Liam walked beside me, a baseball cap turned backwards on his head as he prepared to get to work.

"Ben wants this room turned into the nursery," I said as I opened the double doors at the end of the hall, revealing a large room. Sunlight was shining through the tall windows of the  room. Furniture covered the room from one end to another, each piece covered with a white cloth; almost theatrically. Though with the fabric coverings, dust was everywhere. This room had obviously been practically abandoned over the years. The house was just too big for Ben and I to use every room. I noticed many large frames propped up against the walls and covered furniture, each one had a covering of it's own. It sparked my curiosity for a moment and I hoped we wouldn't uncover any picture that we would regret today.

Our volunteered helpers soon filed into the room behind Liam and I. I let everyone know what needed to be done, and we started. I noticed Mason and Aiden weren't in the room, or anywhere around. I wondered where they had gone for only a moment.

The white sheets were flying off of furniture, almost every vintage piece making me want to gag before I gave permission to take it away. One by one, the furniture was carried out, downstairs, and into a truck outside.

"Jax, check me out," Liam caught my attention as I glanced up at him. He had found an old lamp shade with a frilly edge, and held it on his head like a hat. "I'm fabulous, aren't I?" He framed his face with his hands while I laughed at him.

"Get back to work, Porter," I said and threw one of the white sheets at him as I finished laughing. He caught it with a chuckle and handed the lampshade off to someone to throw away.

Most of the furniture was the same shit I was surrounded with growing up. It only reminded me of my father, which made me want to get rid of it even more. The covered frames began to be revealed as the furniture was more cleared out.

It was old bullshit, paintings of wolves, and water, nothing interesting. I heard Ben's light footsteps approaching in the hall as I was looking around at the pictures.

As soon as he stepped foot into the room, I looked up at my mate just in time to see his facial expression change from one of joy to absolute horror while looking straight ahead.

"No!"

Following his gaze, I moved to get a better view of what had caused such a reaction from him. It was a large painted portrait of my father. A rather realistic one at that.

Ben's breathing quickened as he stepped back until he hit the one closed door to the room. He slid to the floor, mumbling as tears began to slip from his eyes.

It all happened in just a couple of seconds, and I ran to his side. He had wrapped his arms around his stomach while his eyes stayed glued to the picture; as if he couldn't tear them away.

"Baby, baby, it's okay. It's not real," I assured him, but it was too late. A panic attack had already been triggered. I looked back at Liam who had just noticed what was happening.

"Liam!" I called, my tone begging him to do something about this fucking picture. His feet immediately moved at my call, running to the painting, and shoving it down, hiding the monster's face against the floor.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, my baby. He's going to take my baby again," Ben whispered as tears ran down his face and his voice trembled.

"No, he can't, Ben. He can't hurt you anymore, remember?" Ben only shook his head as the horrible memories went flying through his mind. I was familiar with each part of his panic attacks at this point. I held his face in my hands, desperate to get through to him. "Ben, he's dead. It's just a picture of him."

He began to hyperventilate, his gaze seeming to look right through me as I kneeled in front of him. I needed to get him out of there. This hyperventilating will make him pass out. His pregnancy is so fragile as it is. He really doesn't need this.

I scooped him up in a bridal carry, and quickly walked out of the room. There seemed to be a small shuffle in the hallway before I walked out of the room, but I paid it no mind. I had to take care of Ben. 

Once I got to our bedroom, I opened the door and closed it behind me when I walked in. I gently laid Ben on our bed, and he calmed just slightly once he was in our room. I caressed his face and ran my fingers through his hair to calm him.

"Shhh, shhh. I've got you. Everything's okay. You're safe," I whispered to him. His gaze found me and seemed to actually recognize me, which was relieving to see instead of his thousand yard stare. I wiped his tears.

"My baby..." he whimpered. I shook my head.

"No, the baby's okay. He can't hurt you anymore. He's dead now, Ben. He's dead. I'm the Alpha now," I assured him. His small, shaking hands rested on either side of my face as he studied me; as if trying to figure out of I'm real or not. I rested my forehead against his.

"You're safe, Ben. I'm here to protect you. No one will hurt you. Never again," I whispered softly. The tears began to flow freely from his eyes as he leaned forward and wrapped his small arms around me. I held him close. 

I knew these tears. He had finally realized what was real, and what was just a terrible memory.