the soul crushing look on his face- Ferard

Disorder

FRANKS POV

Waking up was hard enough for me as is, waking up with a hangover was about 100x worse. Trust me.

It wasn't my idea of a good morning, at all. But on the plus side, I woke up in Gerards bed. I really liked his bed, it was a lot more comfortable than mine.

I remember the better part of last night. And some of the stuff I found a little wrong.

Gerard kissed me. He told me he wouldn't. He told me, no. He promised me. That he wouldn't.

But he still did.

I honestly couldn't tell if I was making a big deal out of nothing or not.

I mean, he's my boyfriend. Of course he's gonna kiss me.. except he promised me he wouldn't. Was I being dramatic?

My head hurt so fucking badly, it felt like there was people cutting my brain open.

I felt like I was getting stabbed in the head repeatedly.

I looked over at the clock on Gerards bedside table. "9:21am" it read.

Great.

Me and Gerard were both fucking late.

I wondered if my mom knew I snuck out, I highly doubt it though. She goes to work at 5am and comes home at 3pm, she's never there when I go to school. Unless she checked on me in the middle of the night. And as far as I know, she's never done that.

I decided I was still tired. I would just pretend I never woke up, I'll be up when Gerard gets me up. I had absolutely no energy for this right now.

Almost instantly I felt my eyes get heavy and my vision start to go black.

-
I woke up for the second time today, my head didn't seem to feel much better. I looked over at Gerard's bedside table clock. "11:42pm"

I was honestly surprised by the fact Gerard hadn't woken up yet, how heavy of a sleeper was this kid? I sat up and looked around. I don't think I've take a second to really look at his room. It was really nice, I knew I should probably see where the hell Gerard even went. I don't even know why he didn't sleep with me last night, even though I'm not sure I would've wanted him too.

I still had no clue if I was being dramatic about the kiss at all, what if I confronted him? Would I do what I always do and ruin everything? I don't know how he'd react if I did. What if he left me? It sounds horrible but I have a sort of dependency with Gerard for my happiness. I know, I know.

If he left me I don't know what I'd do.

He was one of the only reasons I actually felt comfortable and happy these days. He was a reason to live for at this point.

I loved him more than I loved myself.

But on the other hand I shouldn't be scared to say what's on my mind without fear he's gonna leave me. Except he's never done anything wrong, he's always been good to me. Except for yesterday, but still. He was my boyfriend, why wouldn't he kiss me? Maybe I was the problem here.

I most likely was.

My thoughts were running. When aren't they? I was caught off guard when I heard the door open. I thought it would be Gerard, but it wasn't. It was Mikey.

"Thank goodness you're still here" he sighed in relief. I looked at him confused. "I'll explain right now" he said looking back into the hallway to see if anyone was coming. When he saw it was clear, he came in all the way and shut the door as quietly as he could.

He came over and sat on the bed. "Alright" he started. "So, I know that you and my brother are.. a thing" he said. "But I'm waning you Frank, stay away." He warned cautiously. "What?" I asked curiously. "He's not only using you, he's a diagnosed fucking negativistic!" He said slightly raising his voice. A what?, he kept going. "That's not even mentioning his diagnosed sadistic personality disorder!" He loudly. Trying to "make a point"