the soul crushing look on his face- Ferard

Its never over.

GERARDS POV

Nothing really would've prepared me for the morning I've had.

Starting off, Mikey is a dick. I don't know what's been up with the kid lately. Seems like he's always walking around with a stick up his ass.

So we had a minor argument in the morning, whatever.

I was also fucking late, but whatever. Fuck this. I wasn't going to school.

My grades were slightly suffering, but what was fine. My grades won't matter when I'm dead.

I went downstairs and sat on the couch. I switched the tv on and annoyance washed over me. There wasn't anything interesting on tv anymore.

I shut it off and was slightly regretting my decision not to go to school. My house was boring, so was school though. My life was just boring in general I guess.

Sometimes I wish Frank had given me a second chance, as selfish as it sounds. I feel like our love withered away the same way flowers do.

When you've had the flowers for too long without giving them proper care, and the petals dry up and fall off the stem.

But I knew it was my fault that was the fact. I thought about the day before Frank left me, when I was considering actually trying to love again and decide against it. How stupid I was.

To feel is embarrassing, but I'd try it now. The sad part is I decided I'd try it far too late.

It took me losing Frank to realize how much I loved him. I always thought too low of him. I thought he needed me, now I know Frank didn't need me. I needed Frank.

Being with Frank, made me feel things. Frank, made me feel things. Love. And for a while I tried to deny it. I tried to push it away and hope it wouldn't come back, just the way Frank looked at me made me feel less torn. Im not entirely sure what peace felt like. But I'm sure Frank was as close as anyone could ever get.

As close as I'd ever get.

But that was gone now.

I always thought something in me wanted more, and that was the reason I couldn't rest. And I was correct. I wanted to feel. I wanted to love and be loved back.

Frank gave me that and I took it for granted, now that it was gone, it was all I wanted now.

Frank gave me his everything, his trust, his love, his effort. He showed me venerability and forgiveness. And what did I do? Hurt him.

In my dreams Frank was touching my face asking me if I wanted to try again, his fingertips lingering around me. I say yes in those dreams, and it works out.

Then I'm forced to wake up and face my reality. The reality that Frank didn't love me anymore, he didn't tell me that. He didn't have to, there wasn't any possible way Frank still loved me. I threw that possibility out long ago.

Im not a religious person, but sometimes I believe god made Frank for me.

I was a mean person to Frank. I was mean to everyone.

Every time my mood drops, it's like I can hear what everyone else around me is thinking. And it sounds something like, "here we go again."