the soul crushing look on his face- Ferard

Not lovely

TW - SH

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GERARDS POV

Frank left me.

I wasn't expecting him to do it so soon, I will admit I did cry. Like— real tears. It was embarrassing. I tried to stop the tears when I shut the door on Frank and they left my eyes.

But for once in years, when I cried. This time, I wasn't able to stop myself.

I just wanted Frank back, to hurt him. Obviously.

I mean— I never got to finish my plan.

So, that's the only reason I wanted him back. But still, want was still want.

I would just do what I always did. Give fake apologies and whatever, so why was I taking it so hard this time? No clue.

Maybe it was because how real it felt, but he would get back with me eventually. The same way he always did. Right?

I'd just give him some space and time to miss me, then I'd come back in and get him back. Easy.

Space, and time. Then he'd come back, right? Right.

-

Being up awake at 3:31am thinking about a boy who dumped you wasn't fun at all, to say the least.

Franks stupid face had been flooding my mind way too often for comfort at this point. I didn't know how to feel about that.

I hated Frank. Everything about him.

I hated his stupid habits, I hated the way he would chew on his lip ring when he was nervous, I hated the way he was never really here. The way he was always zoned out. I hated the way he loved me, the way he trusted me a little more than a normal person was supposed to trust. The way he'd love me, as if I was the only person left on earth capable of receiving love. I hated the way he'd blurt things out sometimes because he was that much of an idiot, the way he'd always forgive me. Even when I'd gone as far as to put hands on him. Who would do that? Someone with no self respect. That's who.

I hated his stupid laugh, his stupid smile, the way he'd admit things like eating dirt to me. The way he'd talk to me about how much he loved my bed more than his own. I hated our park trips. I hated the way he talked about his family issues to me. The way he trusted me. The way he loved me like a homesick dog.

I hated him.

But even with all my hatred for him. He was all I thought about.

-

I woke up at 11pm. It was the second day of my suspension, meaning I'd have to go to school tomorrow.

I didn't really care for school that much, I don't think I'd make it to my 20s anyway.

I stayed in bed for a while after I woke up. My pale white ceiling looking back at me.

I got up at 11:21 and went downstairs. Mikey was at school right now. And my parents were at work. Obviously meaning, I was alone.

I didn't enjoy being home alone as much as I used to. Normally I would enjoy the quiet. But now with so many unwanted thoughts in my mind it felt as if the quiet was trying to hurt me.

I felt suffocated by the silence. I hated it, I hated when my mind and thoughts were all scattered and unwanted. My mind was screaming at me. It was against me.