-24- grief

373 13 24
                                    

summary: losing a loved one never gets easier... but he's there for you no matter what
triggers: losing a loved one, grief and everything with it
request: nope!
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today is the anniversary of my grandpa passing away. I've thought about him every day since he left. but even with the time passing it never gets easier.

I wake up and I feel a dread in my heart, knowing that today isn't a good day. I wonder why until I look at my calendar (may 7th).

For most people it might be a normal day, but for me it signals the day of losing someone I love.

I have school today, so I get ready for that. Once I get to school I see Walker, who is thankfully here today. Without him being here, he knows what today is, I don't think I would be here.

"hey y/n/n" he says giving me hug, but then whispers to me "how are you holding up so far?" once again knowing the date.

"um I'm good, rather not talk about it but you know." I say softly, fighting back tears.

"I get it, but I have Starbucks for you! And let me know if you need anything today, ok? If you want I can see if you can come over? Or call tonight to get your mind off of it?" He says with a gentle but positive tone, while he passes me my favorite Starbucks drink (true story my mom dropped of a venti pink drink with sweet vanilla cold foam 🙏🏻🙏🏻)

"Yeah, I'd like that. thanks walk!" I say getting some energy back into my life, he is always here for me.

"okay, well hey I'll see you after school? Call or text me if you need anything before that!" He says and walks to class.

It sucks that we only see each other before and after school, stupid school schedules.

time skip to when your at home:

Today was rough, I mean I know we have good and bad days but today I just felt numb with sadness.

When I got home, I went up to my room, threw down my book bag, changed into a old sweat shirt that I got from my grandpa + shorts, and laid in bed. Knowing if I tried to do anything today I would most likely throw up.

After gods knows how much time has passed I get a knock on my door, "hey it's me... can I come in?" A person asks, and I immediately know it's Walker.

I just walk to the door not saying a word, open it for him allowing him to come in, and walk back to the bed and once again just lay down. Not having any words.

"hey talk to me..." Walker says to me with a soft tone as his sits on the bed rubbing my back.

"I don't wanna talk about it." I tell him, knowing that if i were to say anything I would break.

"you don't have to talk necessarily about what's going on you know" he says and takes a deep breath, "we could talk about anything, also scoot over I want to chill too." He says laughing as a move over.

"Is that better for you mr.perca-sass."  I say laughing and grabbing my remote to turn on a movie.

"yes it is thank you," he tells me matter of factly as he lays down next to me and steals my remote.

"nooo I don't want to watch Deadpool or anything." I say annoyed.

"who says we were watching that?" He says going into Disney plus and looking up Tangled.

"ooo yesss, great pick." I say.

After a few minutes into the movie I admit, " I really miss him Walker," I start off and he immediately pulls me into a hug, "and I know I can't do anything to change the fact that he isn't here and that I can't just go and see him anytime that I want to." I say crying trying to breathe, "but I want him back even though I know it will never happen."

"hey shh, it's okay. I get it." He says rubbing my back with one hand and the other rubbing circles on my arm, "it'll be okay."

"But it's not okay Walker, and I know it's been a few years but I miss him so much and some days I'm okay and it's okay. But others I miss him so much." I say not being able to calm down.

"hey, hey, hey y/n/n you've got to breathe it'll be okay." He says with a hint of distress in his voice, "if it makes you feel better he's always with him and watching over you in heaven. And I also know that no matter what I say or do can fix your grief. And I can't tell you how to feel because grief is not a normal thing. And that's okay, but I'm always here, always. So if you ever miss him or anyone else call me even if it's in the middle of the night. Call me." He says and I calm down.

"Thank you Walker." I say sniffling.

"Always." He tells me.

The end!

a/n: sorry this one is sad, and tbh it's more for me (ik that sounds bad). Today marks the two year anniversary of my pappaws death and it haunts me every day. Knowing that I didn't get the change to give him one last hug and kiss on my check. Because I didnt think that I'd lose him so soon. His death affects me, but most of all my brother. I know I might be trauma dumping, but I've never admitted this to anyone. thank you all for voting, commenting, and over all improving not just my story but my days. I love and appreciate you all!
word count: 984

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