Kidnapped By Mcr...The hardest part

Chapter 17

I had to do it today. I had to before I chickened out. It was too soon! Why did Gerard tell me this now!? I couldn't do it...It wasn't me. I had to change completely in order to do this. I had to become heartless. How?

I could remember all the stuff he's done to me, I could remember all the pain he put me through. Yet he was an ill man, he needed help...Not this.

It was the only way.

No, There had to be another way. Even though i knew there wasn't. Trying to escape would be stupid. Trying to ask for freedom would be even more stupid. I had to break him in order to get free.

"Morning" He groaned, moving closer to me. I hardly got much sleep last night, I felt too sick. Why did I have to do this? Why couldn't Gerard come up with something more...Gentle. 

"Morning" I whispered, not able to look at him. "I'll make us breakfast" I sat up slowly, faking a smile for him. "Meet you down?" He stared at me for a second, unsure. He nodded after a while and sat up as I walked out of the room.

I frowned at the wetness on my cheek. I wiped it, then my eye. I was crying? Only slightly but I was still crying. Why?

Because you know what you're doing is wrong. You know you'll kill him and yourself in the end.

The voice inside my head was right, it wouldn't leave me alone either. It was telling me the truth but I didn't know what else to do. Gerard thinks it's the right thing to do, the only thing to do. He's assured me that I need to do this to help us all. I'll be destroying one person to save three. I wouldn't be saved, it was too late for me.

I walked down the stairs and to the kitchen, grabbing some bread and putting it into the toaster. I'm surprised Frank didn't tell Gerard to make us breakfast. 

I heard someone enter the room, I looked to the side and saw Frank smiling at me. That made it so much harder. He looked so happy for once...I was going to destroy that happiness. I was going to destroy his life.

"You okay?" He asked, I nodded slowly. "You look sad, deep in thought"

"I was just thinking of something" I mumbled turning my head so I could look out the window.

"That something is bothering you. Tell me, I'll help" He walked towards me slowly, wrapping his arms around my waist gently. "You know i'll do anything to make you happy, right?" He whispered in my ear and I teared up. It was like he knew, he knew what Gerard told me and he was trying to make it as hard as possible so I wouldn't do it.

"I just...It doesn't feel right" I whispered.

"...You mean us?" He asked, keeping his voice calm.

"Yeah, us" I nodded, "I love the idea but it's not right having the guys with us" I turned round, looked him in the eyes sadly and shook my head, "It's not us when they're here"

"I'm not getting rid of them" He frowned.

"Then we'll never truly be together. I want a normal relationship with you Frank. I can't have that when they're here as hostages. Please, let them go" The words started spilling out of my mouth, "I promise you they won't tell. They know I'm happy with you. They know that I would kill them if they told. I love you, Frank" I sighed. "Let them go"

"You liar" He whispered, tearing up. "You don't love me, you was just trying to get on my good side so I could let them go.  I know how it works" He let go of me, his breathing becoming shaky. "You liar!"

"Frank!" I shouted, "I'm not lying!" I frowned  and stepped forwards, grabbing his face and kissing him. He resisted for a second, but then soon gave in and kissed me back. After a few seconds, I pulled away looking him in the eyes. "I love you"

"I...I love you too" He whispered, a tear falling down his cheek. I wiped it away and sighed. "I can't"

"You don't trust me?" I asked, plan B was springing to action and I felt a lump in my throat. "You don't love me. Relationships are based on trust Frank"

"I'm sorry" He whimpered, "I just can't let them go" He shook his head, tearing up. "Please..."

"No Frank, if you don't fucking trust me then we can't be together. Our love? It's a lie. It's nothing. You're nothing. I don't care about you" He stared at me, horrified. I felt tears streaming down my face and I clenched my fist.

"Y..You lied" He choked out. "You never loved me!" He frowned but was too caught up in sadness that he couldn't lash out. "I.."

"I hate you" I whispered, I was screaming at myself not to do this. He was so fragile...I was breaking him. "I wish you would just die" I shook my head, I saw Gerard standing at the door.

Frank fell to the floor, bursting into tears. My lip trembled at the sight. "I..I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted you and me to be in love...together...happily" He said through loud sobs, "Mum said there would always be a happy ending. One for everyone" He started screaming out the cries. 

"Frank..." I whispered but Gerard stepped forwards, shaking his head. He didn't want me to help him.

"I...I can't anymore" He started shaking violently. "Just go" He whispered, so quietly. Then he threw a set of keys at my feet. 

I burst into tears. Kicking the keys to Gerard who frowned at me. Maybe I was being too pathetic? Or he was. "GO!" Frank screamed making me flinch. 

"Gerard. Get the guys and go. I'm staying" I growled. He looked at me confused but then picked up the keys and walked out. "Frank"

"No" He was curled up on the floor into a tight ball, no way of uncurling him. "I don't want to feel this anymore. I don't like this feeling. I just want it all to end. It will end" He whispered to himself. Shaking his head continuously. 

What have I done?