Fly Away (Michael Jackson)

twelve

That night I spent another night in Janet's old room that was directly next to Michael's. The entire night I was thinking about him. His face, his arms, his voice, his hugs. I just wanted to be with him for as long as I could, whenever I could. It was scary how fast I was suddenly falling for him. A part of me wanted him to come through that door and come lay in bed with me. I left the door unlocked just in case.

I mean, is it crazy for me to think that? He did used to have a thing for me when we were kids?  There may be a slight chance that those feelings could be coming back and he now sees me and someone more than a childhood memory. Who knows?

Or... maybe in time I'll get over it myself.

When I woke up, it was still quite dark and early. The clock next to my bed on the nightstand showed 6:12AM. I gasped at how early it was and why I was awake. Quickly laying back down and resting on my side, I closed my eyes trying to go back to sleep. But no matter how long I tried to close my eyes and pretend I was asleep, it didn't work. I was wide awake. Letting out a grunt, I sat up and looked at the bathroom, thinking about brushing my teeth and just going into the loft downstairs and watching some early morning cartoons or something.

I slipped on a t-shirt and some loose pants, topped with a robe to keep me warm in the cold winter hours. I carefully walked to the bathroom, trying not to make much noise as my feet pressed against the hardwood, making a creaky sound every few steps or so. Finishing my morning routine, I slowly opened and closed my door and walked down the stairs with more caution than a tightrope walker. If I'm going to be staying here a while, the last thing I want to do is pester the Jacksons in the mornings. So far, everything was quiet and it seemed like everyone was still sleeping.

That is until I walked towards the loft and I saw a head already perched near the TV, watching Disney classics. A warm smile came to me, knowing exactly who it was. The sight of him alone brought a glowing, loving feeling to my gut as he brings me joy beyond anything. I tiptoed around the couch and sat myself next to him and smiled, "Good morning,"

Michael looked over at me and gave me a big old smile, "You're up early, good morning." He put his hand on the back of my own, which made me suck in a quick breath, giving me chills of excitement. He gripped it tight and looked at me, "Oh no did I wake you?" Thinking his TV was too loud.

I shook my head reassuringly, "No, no, sweetheart, I was already up and wondering why I couldn't sleep in those extra two hours," I laughed.

He exhaled in relief and let out a small chuckle, "I always wake up early. I like the way the quietness of the morning hours and how they feel. Peaceful. Tranquil. Something no other time of day has." His poetic words had me looking up at him wonderstruck. He always manages to leave me in awe when he speaks. And I'm not sure if it's how he talks or what he talks about that has me falling even more in love with him. Either way it eases me and makes me feel at home.

I adjusted myself and looked at the TV, not to watch it but to think. I always find myself in my thoughts and they're almost always negative. My stomach ached because I almost felt unwanted... then again I know it's my mind telling me that Michael doesn't really want me here, he's just got to deal with it because his publicist says it's good for him. That can't be the case... Michael and I sat next to each other in silence, both watching the TV and pretending to actually know what's going on. I could feel his eyes gaze over at me from time to time, then suddenly look back when I moved my head.

"Bonnie-"

"Michael-"

We both turned and simultaneously said each others' names, making us both laugh awkwardly.

"You first," I said.

He shook his head, "No really, I wan't to hear what you have to say."

I was glad he stopped me when he did; I was going to ask if he actually wanted me there or if I made him uncomfortable just sitting there. I take it back. Asking that would only make us both feel weird and uncomfortable. But now I don't know what to say. I'm blank.