Ace Of Spades (Complete Raw First Draft, Unedited)

Fourteen: Gratitude

He had seemed so oblivious, like he'd had no idea what it was that I was running from, but then, why would he?

The things I'd grown up knowing, everything Lucas had done to me, it was normal, it was everyday life to me.  

My past had been weighing on me, suffocating me from the moment I ran away.  It was bad enough when I was awake, worse when I was asleep, because, even though, for now, he was gone, but in the night, Lucas would find me once more, and I'd have to relive it all again until I woke myself up.

Part of me wondered if I'd ever really be free.  Even though I'd escaped his clutches, Lucas was still here, in my mind, tormenting me, terrifying me, reminding me of why I could never let my guard down, what would be waiting for me if I did.

I was willing time to freeze.  This moment, sitting safely across from Ace, with Lucas nowhere to be seen, in my mind, or otherwise, this was bliss.  I wanted to capture this moment and plunge myself into it and never emerge, trapping myself in it's safety.

I could see the fury in his expression when I'd finished telling him my story, the way he gripped the edge of the table, his knuckles turning white from the strength in his hands.  I thought he was going to flip it over.

He said nothing, but there was a tenderness in is eyes, beneath the fury, a certain understanding, and that meant more to me than any words he might have spoken.

He put on a movie for us to watch, but neither of us were really concentrating on it.  By the end, I was fighting back yet another yawn, and he turned the TV off.

"You look tired," he observed.  "Go have a shower, then I'll show you to the spare room."

The spare room?  I'd have a whole room just to myself? I couldn't honestly remember the last time I hadn't had to share a bed with someone, besides when Bonnie took me home, but I left before I could take advantage of it.  It was strange, knowing I'd be able to sleep alone.

He lead me to the bathroom, which had a lock on the inside of the door, and showed me the cupboard with all the towels and things, telling me to help myself to whatever I wanted.  There was a bottle of shampoo on the floor of the shower, along with some soap in the sink, but not much else. 

Even so, I was grateful to be able to get in the shower without the fear of someone letting themselves in with me, trapping me in there.

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face, and I turned to him to thank him, but, I paused when I noticed him studying the shirt I was wearing.

"You don't have any other clothes?"  He asked me, and I shook my head.

"Just what I was wearing when I ran away," I admitted.

His expression softened.

"Alright, I'll find you something to sleep in."

He dissapeared and came back a moment later with a grey teeshirt.

"Here you go," he said, handing it to me.  "It'll be big on you, but it'll do."

I smiled at him again and he left, shutting the door behind him.  I was nearly convinced that he wasn't going to try anything, but years of experience had left me skeptical, and I slid the bolt across, locking the door.

The water was hot, and I stood under it, my face turned up toward the spray, letting it wash away the filth from the last few days, the filth from my old life.  The water was heavenly, absolute bliss, and I relaxed.  For the first time in as long as I'd ever known, I felt safe, at least for the moment.

I washed my hair with the shampoo, taking my time about it, then used the soap to clean the rest of myself with, recognising the scent.  It's what Ace smelt like.

My stomach felt like it did a flip when I thought about him, waiting for me, and I fought the urge to slip down the glass panel of the shower to try and hide in the corner, in the hope that I might run down the drain with the water and be gone forever.

Why did he want to help me?  Did he not understand the danger he put himself in by hiding me?  What did he want in return?  So far, he insisted that he expected nothing from me, but I still wasn't entirely sure that I could trust him.

Sure, he'd shown me nothing but kindness, had let me into his house, welcoming me with open arms, but so had Lucas.

Ace was right, the shirt was big on me, reaching down to mid thigh, but I didn't mind.  It was clean and it was fresh.  I bundled my filthy clothes into my arms, wondering what to do with them.  I'd have to buy some new ones in the next little while, I couldn't keep wearing the same things every single day.  But clothes were expensive, and I didn't have very much money to last me.

"Hey, darlin'," Ace smiled at me from the couch when I entered into the lounge room.  "You feel better?"

I nodded, glancing at the phone in his hand, wondering who he'd been texting.

"You look better," he observed, putting the phone aside, and I self consciously pulled my damp hair back behind my ear.

"You wanna wash those?"

I glanced down at the pile of my dirty clothes, my jeans still stained with the blood from my leg.

"Could I, please?"

"Course," he said kindly, and I followed him to where the washing machine was, in a tiny room, tucked away next to the bathroom.

"We can dry them in the morning," he said, leading the way back up the short hallway.  "Then, maybe, you could buy some more tomorrow, or something, when I'm at work."

I nodded in agreement as he stopped in front of a door, pushing it open and flicked on a light.

"You can sleep here, tonight," he said.  "The bed's all made up, and there's spare blankets in that cupboard, if you're too cold."

"Thank you," I said quietly.

"Don't mention it," he replied, giving me a half smile.  "I'm gonna talk to some friends tomorrow, see if we can help you with your situation."

I wasn't sure if by 'situation' he meant my being homeless, or if he was refering to Lucas, but I just nodded.

"I'm in that room," he pointed up the hallway, to the door at the end.  "Don't hesitate to wake me up if you need anything."

I nodded again.

"Alright, good night."

And, just like that, he left.

***

I'd never had a double bed all to myself.  I stretched out on it, but I wasn't used to sleeping like that, and ended up curling up as small as I possibly could, the way I normally did.

I was comfortable, and warm, but still, I couldn't sleep.  Everytime I heard a noise outside, I'd panic, wondering if they'd found me and were coming to take me back, and I'd lay there, straining my ears to hear, but the sound, whatever it was, would be gone.

I found myself thinking about Ace.  I wondered who his friends were, the ones he thought could help me.  What would they want in return?  It's not like I had much to offer.

I still couldnt quite believe that Ace had opened his door to me like this, yet expected nothing back from me.  I did want to thank him, but I didnt know how to express my gratitude.  Words just simply weren't enough. He'd saved me, twice.  If it weren't for him, Lucas would have me once more.

I worried though, that he didn't realize what it was he was getting himself into, by helping me, and the minute he found out, I'd be on my own again.  I couldn't exactly blame him, if he did send me off, but I hoped desperately that he wouldn't.

Then, an idea sprang to mind, of how I might be able to bind him to me, make him want to keep me around, make him want me, need me, the way he'd never needed someone before.

I got up out of bed, the carpet softening my footsteps, and made my way to his bedroom.