Changing Him

Chapter 18 - Movie Madness

When I saw the number, I couldn’t speak. I have the feeling that what I am doing isn’t right. I just kissed Harry awhile ago. And now, I’m going to dance with another one of my love interest? This is too complicated. I looked at him, but not in the eye. It just doesn’t feel right if I did. I just feel like there’s a line between me and him.

The music played and other couples were starting to intertwine their hands to their respective partners. I saw that Mint and Harry were the ones in the dark corner. Harry was trying to find me and when he did, he smiled at me vigorously. My heart sank. I know that I haven’t confirmed if James had feelings for me or not, but deep down inside, I felt like I was hurting him. Let me rephrase that, not only him, but Harry as well.

He let out his hand and seeing that we were the only one that isn’t dancing, I reached for his hand. I felt a shock but ignored it. I shouldn’t be feeling this. Our hands were now intertwined and my arm was on his shoulder. Our distance wasn’t really near.

It was the farthest space anyone can give. The energy was high but our emotions were blank. There was no love or happiness however. But I can sense another emotion, and that was sadness. The song’s melody helped intensify this emotion.

The song was now in its chorus and I almost felt my eyes holding back tears. It was then the time that I accidentally looked at James’ eye. His eyes were mixed with emotions.

His eyes told me everything that I need to know. After those years of watching and reading romantic chick flicks, I now knew what this meant. I know that I need to act like I don’t understand these, but I do. And that is another disadvantage on not being innocent anymore. And right now, his eyes are stating; I’m hurt. Stop it please, I’m breaking over here.

Have you ever experienced that? The moment you realize that you’re stuck in this sticky situation and you just don’t know what you’re supposed to do? Yes, this is exactly what it feels like. We kept on making small steps, until we finally got into the climax part of the song.

He kept on looking at my eyes. It was like he was trying to mentally say something to me. I thought he was never going to speak but he did. And my eyes widened when he said this.

“Do you love Harry?” He mumbled. His tone was firm. It was like, just one more push he’s going to explode. My stomach tightened. And no, this isn’t because of butterflies, or nausea, or any of those nasty stuff. It was because of pain. Completely, purely, pain.

I tried to reply, but a voiceless reply was released. I composed myself. What should I say now? It took me a couple of seconds until I thought he forgot the question so I just went silent.

“I guess silence means yes.” He heartbreakingly mumbled. He looked at me, as if he was expecting me to protest. A part of me wanted to protest but another part of me didn’t agree. I was so confused that my head just spun. I pursed my lips.

We started twirling, and twirling, until the instrumental ended. We did our normal step and when the song ended, James backed away, bowed, and lifted my hand.

He brushed it with a soft kiss and said, “Thanks for the dance.”

He straightened up and he darted his eyes towards me. “And goodbye, Alice. I hope things work out for the both of you.”

I looked at him slowly walking away to the dark corner of the gym premises.

I was left there, staring at him with an empty feeling inside of me. I felt like everything wasn’t going to be normal. The friendship that we developed is over. It’s all over.

***

He’s avoiding me.

James is avoiding me and I am freaking out.