F*** Cancer, This One Did Us All In.

37. It's Finally Over

  And then I, um, sort of passed out. But in a very manly way! It's just - okay, I'd like to see you go more than a week with just barely enough food, water, and sleep, and not pass out at the end of it all. Okay. It wasn't like I was overtaken by my emotions or anything. I'm not a girl.

  Um, not saying that there is anything wrong with girls and the way you express your emotions, or that you express too much emotion, no, that's not what I'm saying. I didn't mean to insult you or anything, that was just a phrase that slipped out and I'm sorry and I'm just a stupid male who's inferior to you in every way.

  So are we cool?

  When I woke up I was lying down on a bed that was better than almost everything else I had slept on in a long time. I blinked, frowning, squinting from the sunlight that bled through the cracked window. I groaned, started to move, and that was when I realised that there was something clinging onto me. Something small and warm, with short, blonde hair. Michelle. She had gone to bed with me.

  So, I wasn't dreaming. I had really found them. My family. They were - I had - my family. My body relaxed, as if it had been holding it's breath, ever since the first day when Mrs Hobkins lost her cheek, ever since Connor, and Mfundo's house, and Eric leaving, and the hospital, and the - your fault - and when I was alone. All that time, and now it could finally let go, could finally breathe out and stop trying so hard. Breathe out and just be.

  There was a sharp smell that entered my nose. It was sour and burnt it's was down my nostrils, singeing my nose hairs. It was pee. I frowned and looked down, moving the thick blanket off of the two of us and noticing that the bed was wet. And my pants were wet. Along with the lower half of my body. What the hell?

  Look, I had gone through some pretty messed up stuff, but I never peed myself. I mean, at least not while I wasn't awake. So, that meant. . . .

  "Michelle?" I asked, gently nudging her. She shivered, actually shivered, and held onto me tighter. "Michelle?" I shook her again, but didn't press it, didn't do it any harder.

  I shook her again and her head suddenly snapped upwards, her big green eyes staring at me as she smiled, mouth wide open and revealing a missing tooth, and she pressed her face against my chest and was hugging me, hugging so damn hard I could've sworn a lung just collapsed, and repeatedly saying, "Little brother little brother little brother little brother."

  "Yep. I love you too, Michelle." I said, as tears sprang up (shut up, wouldn't you?) and I was smiling so hard as they fell.

  She whispered something that I didn't quite catch, so I asked her to repeat.

  "I thought you were dead." She said again, her face buried into my chest. "I thought -"

  "Hey, shh, it's okay." I said. "I'm fine. I'm here. I'm alive. I'm -" my stomach grumbled like an upset beast and that was enough to make Michelle smile even as tears fell down her face. "I'm hungry."

  Her eyes widened as she looked down at the big pee stain and then she looked at me with shame burnt hotly on her face.

  "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I -"

  "It's okay." I said, and rubbed my hand against her little head. "Michelle, this is without a doubt the best way I have ever woken up in a long time."

  And you know what? I'm not lying.

  "Hey, where is everybody?"

  Michelle's eyes widened as she leapt out of bed, grabbing my hand and tugging on it. I suddenly realised that it was bandaged, both of them were, and a whole lot better than I had done it. Actually, I was clean, as if I had walked through a car wash. You know, if it was made for humans. The clothes I wore were mine, actually mine, a black shirt with stretchy pants and no shoes.