Supernatural Imagines

Castiel x Reader//Chamber

Song of choice: Chamber- Amber Run

Imagine: you don't understand why the boys keep you around because all you seem to do is fail. Castiel tells you otherwise.

Requested by babyinatrenchcoat97

You felt like you were stuck in an empty room whose door was always locked. Nothing was there except the feeling of impenetrable thought, banging against the shutters of your head with words of fear and failure. The room was always there, whether you were surrounded by people you loved or surrounded by water pounding down against your head in a rain of battering soldiers of the lost. You always felt it linger. 

You tried to wash it away, scrubbing your body with raspberry soap until your skin was raw, like you had beat it against the side of a window with the efforts of flicking dust and dirt away. Nothing seemed to work. The tears that streamed down your face silently would never disappear, always in your mind until you were alone at night where they could appear like little droplets of salt from the ocean. It was always there, that one word that pulled your strings tight enough to cause them to snap apart: Failure.

The boys didn't notice how solemn your eyes had gotten lately. They didn't notice the way you slept, in a fit of terror for only seconds before you drowned it away with drinks and food until the morning sun rose above the horizon, coming into view for your dreary eyes to watch. You had changed. Every since that hunt, your demons have released themselves once again. You were no longer happy. You were no longer yourself. All that was there was an empty shell of depressing thought and action, drowning your lungs with tar until they stopped working.

Months. Months like this and no one had noticed, except for one.

Blue eyes would always fall on yours whenever they were around, drinking in the pain that your irises showed. Like everyone always says, "eyes are the window to the soul." However, what were yours showing? 

"Y/N?" You brushed off the questioning voice with a hum, running your fingers through wet hair as you made your way to the kitchen. "Are you okay?" With a nod, you and Castiel made your way into the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." His eyes, as clear as sea glass, narrowed on the back of your frame. No one as warm and fuzzy as you were was fine when all they spurted out anymore were lies of I'm fine and dark, empty smiles. You were not fine.

"You can tell me what's wrong." The angel muttered, voice soft as he watched you set down the empty blue mug onto the kitchen counter tops with a clink. You shook your head and started moving, ignoring those few seconds of debate.

"There's nothing wrong, Cas. I already told you that I'm fine." You turned around, emotions completely torn from your features, yet your eyes showed all they needed.

"You are not a failure, Y/N." Castiel stated, tilting his head to the side as your eyes widened in surprise. "Humans were made to be flawed. Even angels make mistakes sometimes, too." Your eyes began to water, causing you to turn back around and take a shuddering breath.

"You don't understand. This feeling, it won't- it won't go away." Slowly, you poured heated milk into your mug as you tried not to cry. "I just want it to be like it used to. When I didn't mess up on something that could kill." Powdered chocolate followed the milk, as did chocolate syrup. You mixed it in with shaky hands, stopping only when Cas took the spoon from your hand and turned you around to face him. His eyes were pouring into yours, sharing that he knew.

"We can't be perfect, Y/N. It is not something that was made into our genes." The angel took your hands in his, squeezing them gently. A tear slithered down your cheek, dropping onto your wrist as you leaned your head against Castiel's shoulder.

"Why not?" He let go of your hands and awkwardly wrapped his arms around you, a gesture that he had noticed Sam and Dean use whenever the other was sad.

"If we were all perfect, then nothing would be interesting. If we never failed, then everyone would be the same. Why have a place with no individuality?" You shrugged and tightened your hold on him, burying your face into his trench coat.

"Thank you." You breathed out after a moment of silence between the two of you. Castiel placed a soft kiss on your head before answering.

"Thank you for being here. Thank you for being you."
-

THE SAPPPPPPPP!!!

Sorry that I've been unactive for a bit. I just haven't been feeling well, mentally or physically. I bought a candle though and some new books, so maybe things will start to get a bit better for me. 

stay thirsty my memes,
noelle